The sleep giants hand, gently scoops you up, carries you up in the air and lays you gently down in a room full of soft, fluffy, cotton wool, nearby you can hear the sound of the waves gently falling on the beach. Weird and wonderful images begin to fill your head as you drift off into a beautiful state of being and into sleep. You find your self drinking tea naked, under a Willow tree, with a blond modal, George Bush, a dolphin and your old school maths teacher. Dreams can be weird, when you are exhausted.
Just then and without warning, the giant hand grabs you, throws you up in the air and drops you into cold icy water, you swim to the surface gasping for air, you are awake and can hear the car alarm from hell screaming and screaming and screaming, without stopping for breath. You grunt WTF, as you blink in the cruel darkness. Your wife kicks you in the back and says in a raspy, snake like voice "it's your turn, you go". You blindly obey her, as after years of marriage, you have been programmed to follow orders, you tear your self from the bed covers, get out of bed, hit your toe on the table and scoop up your baby from his crib. You limp in pain, in the darkness to the kitchen, in search of a cure to these satanic, high pitched screams. You switch on the bottle sterilizer and then realize you forgot to put the bottle in that you so carefully prepared ten minutes ago, before going to bed. Just then, a small child appears in the kitchen doorway, clutching a teddy bear and repeating the words over and over again, pee pee pee, kid number one has woken up. Need I go on? No country needs Guantanamo bay, just give any suspected fundamentalist, one week and two babies or one toddler and a baby, they will soon crack and reveal their terrorist world domination ambitions within 24 hours of capture. Since most of these men are hard line Muslims, not used to looking after a baby or a kid, as that is seen as a "woman's job", they will break and tell all. I should be paid for this simple advice by world leaders, who spend billions on costly consultants who tell them idiot ideas for solving world terrorist problems. Solutions are often there for all to see but I digress, lets get back to babies.
I also now understand, that the bigger your flat is, the better it is for your kids and for your sanity and if you can have a house with a garden it is even better as kids need gardens. Some families live in tiny flats where all the kids sleep in one bed, how the families do this without going insane, amazes me but necessity is the mother of invention when you have little money. Kids need space, lots of it as they have more energy than a Japanese nuclear power station and leak it just as badly. Small living equals big problems but in Moscow flat rental prices are crazy so small living is the only real option unless you are lucky enough to have a free large flat provided by your company. However, we should never forget many people don't have a home or live in abject poverty, so some space is better than no space. So many children the world over, live in slum conditions without clean water or sewage (see link below for more information).