Brit milah

We recently had the pleasure of visiting and parting with a large sum of money, when we went to a private clinic called the American Medical Center (AMC) here in Moscow.

We went there on a recommendation, from a well meaning expatriate mother, as our kid needed a circumcision operation (brit milah). As this mother rightly told us, a recommended doctor or surgeon, is far safer and better, than a recommended clinic. This operation was required for medical reasons, rather than for any religious reason and so it had to be urgently done. It is best to do this operation while a child is still young and we were advised to do it by a Urologist at the Russian clinic, where we usually go (see best posts). This clinic is cheap (for Moscow), clean and modern but they cannot do this operation and they can't cope with anything more complex than the standard sick complaints that we all suffer from. We had the choice of going to the AMC or to the EMC (European Medical Center). We were recommend a Russian guy, that can do these operations and who visits the AMC as a freelance willy man. We could have gone cash only, at some unknown place but a child's willy, is a valuable thing, not to let lose on an unknown butcher. It's better sort this kind of thing out now, rather than have embarrassing moments, with a first girlfriend, in the back of a car, at some future date.

As a public service, I wish to share the experience with you, in case you are thinking of using a private clinic here in Moscow, for yourself or for your children. We could have gone to the EMC, but I we had heard very negatives experiences about this private medical center, so opted to try the AMC. This clinic is not far from the metro station "Prospect Mira". I don't know why it's called the American Medical Center? I could not see, or surprisingly hear any Americans. The same can be said for the Europe Medical Center, does it contain any actual Europeans?. I suppose, these names, may sound more attractive to the foreigner or at least that's what the Russians think. The word "European" or "American" in their minds, carries a standard of quality, even if they cannot provide it as it should be provided, as I will explain below.

We went with my kid, to the American Medical Center this week. When we arrived, there were three bored but pretty looking Russian girls sitting behind the reception desk. One spoke good English and asked me, to fill in a form. Once I had done this, we went into the children's section and waited on chairs, next to a plastic kids play house to be seen by our willy man. We waited and waited, past our agreed time to be seen. After an hour of waiting, our recommended man ("Professor") came in. He was not as I expected, he was not wearing a white coat and looked as if he had just driven from his dacha. He looked in his early sixties and wore thick glasses, we were told he was a "professor" although this means absolutely nothing in Russia, as anything, from a driving license to a professional title, can easily be paid for. He did not speak English or wear rubber gloves. I explained to him, that my kid had been recommended to have a circumcision operation and showed him the doctors report from the other Russian clinic. We got a reception girl to translate our conversation. After five minutes, the guy, said he could do it next week, got up and was going to leave, I asked him "aren't you going to look at my boy" he looked annoyed and without rubber gloves, examined my boys willy, said nothing and left the room. 

I should have run for the hills, from this clinic but the taxi meter had already been running and our visit that day, would cost us 160 euro (without any tests), so leaving was not a possible option. We where then told to see a doctor who was a pediatrician and I could see my credit card was going to be raped by the AMC. Surprise, surprise, the pediatrician, told us our kid would need a set of testes, including an HIV test. I told her, that he had never had sex, so why the HIV test? She told me its was necessary, along with an X-ray, cardiogram, urine and blood tests.  I tried to tell her, that I did not want lots of blood tests but realized I would have no choice other than to have them done, as testing is how they pump up their profits funded by desperate, idiot foreigners like me. A large nurse, came to take my kids blood and she could not get the needle into his arm, she looked annoyed and he screamed as she stuck the needle in his little arm. After we had had all the tests done, it was 5.30 pm and we could go home. We had been at the clinic since 2.30pm. Before I left, I asked for the bill (invoice) they gave it to me and I could not control my laughter, they looked at me as if I had just escaped form a Moscow mad house, it came to 850 euro without any operation, I handed over my card and the money was taken. We were told, someone would call us the next week, to tell us the time and day for the operation. My credit card was already down by 850 euro but more pain was to come, for my boy and for my credit card.

The next week, my phone rang and it was the American Medical Center. A girl spoke to me in bad English, to tell me that the operation would be on Wednesday at "about 3pm" as the professor was going on holiday. I asked if he could eat or drink before the operation? She told me, that my kid could not eat for six hours before the operation, so It was lucky I asked. I asked if he could have the operation early in the morning, as he would be starving, without any food till the afternoon, she told me no. She did not tell me, if I should bring anything or what the operation would involve. Again, alarm bells rang but it was too late to cancel the operation as we had so far paid out 850 euro.

Wednesday came and we arrived at the AMC clinic. A bored reception girl, asked us to wait in the kids area. We waited and at 3.30 pm, a nurse came down and showed us up to the room. The room was modern and looked good, It contained three beds, a TV, a shower room and a few kids toys, the nurse gave us a blue gown, that was for a teenager, so my kid was floating in it, I asked for a smaller one, she blankly said no and left the room. We put him into his huge gown and put him into the bed and waited for our man and his knife. Professor, showed up, in the same clothes he had been in the last time we met and was still not wearing any white doctors gown, he looked like a hospital janitor and maybe he was?  I began to feel very nervous. The nurse took our kids blood pressure and listened to his heart. Then another person arrived, this time a woman, actually wearing a white doctors gown, long painted finger nails and high heels, she did not introduce herself to us but just told us that it would be soon and left the room with an iPhone stuck to her ear. I could hear her high heels clicking on the corridor floor as she walked away. No none sat down with us, smiled or talked to us about the operation, we were just another faceless number. Luckily, I had read up about it, on the all knowing, all seeing "World Wide Web", so I knew the procedure but some friendly bedside manner from them, would have been welcome, for two, new scared parents, about to let a stranger, use a knife on our most precious child. We asked to see the anesthetist and after a while, he came to us, we were asked to fill in three sets of forms, all in Russian and he asked if our kid had any allergies? We were told he would be given gas to sleep. The anesthetist, took his get of jail free card and left the room without a word.

I asked the nurse if I could go into the operating room with my kid, she looked confused and disappeared to find out. We waited. At 4 pm, the nurse told us to follow her and I carried my kid to the lift and we went down to the operating room area. Another nurse took him and I was asked to dress in paper trousers, a plastic hat, mask and gloves. I went into the operating room, my son was lying on the table wearing his gown and plastic hat. He was very afraid. The operating room was very modern and I felt a lot less nervous. I held his hand and the anesthetist gave him the gas, he was asleep, within two minutes and I was asked to leave. I went back to the room and waited for an eternity. I read on the Internet that circumcision is an easy operation, that takes only about fifteen to twenty minutes to do. After 45 minutes they wheeled our boy, back to the room, he was awake and screaming on the table. He was in a lot of pain. This went screaming went on for about forty minutes and I held him as he cried. I asked the nurse for pain killer and something to help him relax and one for me, she did not understand my wit and left the room. We waited and waited for another forty minutes or so, then the anesthetist arrived and the nurse gave him an injection, it took 30 minutes to take effect and after that my boy was spaced out, drugged and silent with a very red bleeding willy.

7 pm came and food arrived. It looked good and was good, although it was served cold. The tray had soup, bread rolls, orange juice, salmon with mashed potato and a yogurt. We fed our kid the soup, which he then promptly vomited up. So I ate his food and cleaned his bed. Once this was done, we then spent an hour trying get them to them to stamp our insurance forms. It turned out, that this clinic is used to being paid directly, by blind, foolish insurance companies and are not used to offering evidence of medical treatment directly to a patient. Once this was done and we had our forms stamped to claim back some of the money, I carried my boy wrapped in a towel, back to the car and we all drove home, totally exhausted.

Would I recommend this clinic? In my opinion, it is clean, modern and comfortable, however what lets it down so badly, is the total lack of customer care, bedside charm ("bedside manner") and friendliness. Bedside charm and a human approach to people, who are sick or who need an operation, are as important as the medical treatment. I have noticed this to be a theme in Russia. This clinic is not cheap and you would think, they would train the staff to behave in a better way towards its high paying customers, their mission statement on the wall of the clinic, is creative marketing. You are just a number another payment to them. We had to ask questions and when we did, they looked annoyed, I had to clear up my sons vomit and the nurse did not even take away the dirty sheet from his bed. This clinic is probably very capable of performing any of its advertised services, however I would not go back, as it lacks a human approach. This is a common problem in Moscow, from healthcare, hotels to eating out. A human approach, is vital where ever you live. The professor (hospital janitor) did the job, I don't know if he did it well, as it's too early to say but I feel pleased and fortunate to have found him via a kind recommendation. As for overall verdict for the American Medical Center, we were not impressed at all by the service and lack of professionalism but the clinic has all the bells and whistles that you would expect from a private clinic.

The whole procedure came to a staggering 2,350 euro (2,878 USD). The operation took just 45 minutes and there was no overnight stay. That's an expensive penis, in an expensive city, where people are happy to empty your wallet or credit card but don't offer a smile or a care for your well being. If you can avoid having an operation here in Moscow and if it is not urgent, do it back home. I am sure you would receive a more human, approach at state hospital back in your own country. 

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