Moscow arrival pinball games

The plane touches down in Moscow, your ball has been shot up the pinball machine in the arrivals game. You have arrived in your new country as an expat, alone or with your family. Butterflies fill your stomach. You feel nervous and excited, like the first day at school.

You will probably have been to Moscow before, to look for a flat or for your job interview, so its not so new to you. You will have to wait in line in a dimly lit custom's area. You will wait in line clutching your passport feeling apprehensive, guilty as drug trafficker, although you are not a drug trafficker, will you pass through customs OK? Your visa is all in order, you checked the visa dates before you left, people queue silently, pushing and jumping spaces in attempt to save time, anger rises up in you, keep calm and breath. The customs man or woman seems to spend ages looking at your passport examining it as if you had just arrived from Mars. Unsmiling, they eventually scan it and stamp it and you are on your way, 400 pinball points. Ping. You have bounced off the first marker on the Moscow pinball machine, you are on your way to a top score. You shoot up to the next marker, to the baggage claim, 200 pinball points.

Hopefully, all your luggage will have arrived, you will see an area near the baggage belt full of unclaimed or lost baggage, this is the baggage grave yard. Its all wrapped in cling film (magic wrap, see link) looking like food aid bound to Africa. You wait and wait, nervously looking at he belt for your black or brown Samsonite suitcase that's been with you to so many countries before, like an old best friend. You hope your baggage is not in the cling film grave yard, that's near the baggage claim. Praise the lord, your stuff arrives, perhaps a bit scratched but everything is here, open the champagne 50 pinball points. Ping. The next step, is to pass through the arrivals section, yet more Police wait by the door smoking and looking at you suspiciously, walk past them, don't look at them, eyes fixed ahead, the door is in sight. Ping. You pass through and are now free and in Moscow. Taxi drivers hassle you, 'taxi' , 'taxi' they say. Ignore these locusts and look for your pick up driver, he should be there holding up a coffee stained bit of paper, with your name scribbled on it. You can take a taxi but agree the price first or see your wallet emptied of its cash or take the train into the city centre, (if you have arrived at one of the airports that has a city link). Load up the car or train and get it in. Ping. 100 pinball points.

You will notice, probably not for the first time, the smell of traffic smoke and see the thick traffic. It takes a few hours to get into the centre, so be patient your long journey is not over yet. You shoot up the pin ball machine and bounce and ping around on you way down to score a final Moscow hit. Ping. Arrival! You are here, past the passport control, past the baggage collection, into the arrivals, not blown up, outside the terminal. Game over.

A lot of your pinball arrival experience and score, will depend on the following factors:






- A driver has been arranged to meet you - 50 points
- If you have a pet or pets (see link) to collect at the airport - 100 points
- Your luggage is not lost or damaged - 50 points
- If you take a taxi, bus or train to your flat or hotel - 100 points
- If you have a flat - 300 points
- Pre-arrival organization - 400 points
- Correct visa dates and the correct type of visa - 400 points
- If you have a pram (stroller) it arrives at the airport with you and is undamaged - 20 points
- Your kids or wife/husband arrives with you in Moscow and not in Mongolia- 5 points
- Survive possible bomb attacks - 25 points
- You read this wonderful blog before you left home - 500 points

After arriving, here your journey is just beginning. It will take you several months to get used to Moscow but you will get used to it. Be organized, be brave and all will be fine. Your score: Top score !

Update: I only found about the bomb attack at an airport in Moscow today on the day it happened after I had written this post, mad coincidence or 6th sense? Call it what you will.  RIP to the poor people that died and burn in hell to the evil suicide bombers. I hope the Russian authorities are taking a proactive stance, rather than just shrugging their shoulders as usual and sacking down the responsibility chain of command.

National identity

Step into the coffee shop, sit down and lets talk about national identity, (see link) lets be serious, if only for a moment and in a few paragraphs. What makes a person of any gender or nationality feel they are English, (see link) Russian, Sardininan, (From Sardinia) a Sardine, French, a Jedi Knight, Sponge Bob, American or a person from the Isle of Man? (see link).  I am joking about some of those identities. Its important to say that the problems of national identity can be experienced by any ethnic origin, class or gender. Its is not limited to only men, women or the 'white' population. It is experienced by all colours of the rainbow across the world.

As an expat, abroad, how do you identify yourself, if you have been away from your birth country for a long time? Is home where the heart is? What is a true Englishman, American, Frenchman or Scotsman? A True Englishman may be a gentleman, well educated, polite but rather serious and a man who never complains. A true French man may be a person who loves cheese, french wine eating snails and who hates the English. I think Americans are taught American history (the 'founding fathers' etc) from an early age at school, more so than British kids are taught British history. Many American's are very patriotic. You will see flag poles in their gardens and they seem to have pride in their country. America is a diverse bag of people and yet 'America' and the 'American way' is well known and even loved by many of its people.The 'American dream' (see link) is still believed and coveted by many people who dream of settling in America.

The UK, has seen a mass immigration of people from the African continent and from Asia and India. Many of these immigrants arrived seeking a better life, they were 'Indian' Pakistani Muslims who settled in cities in the UK, many didn't mix or integrate with the indigenous population and failed to learn the English language. Do these people still identify themselves with their birth country? Have they reproduced their own countries in a mini form in the UK? Some people would say yes, while others would say that's what makes England rich in culture and what makes it an interesting place to live, the large mix of people from different lands. These people were caught between feeling 'English' and were given British passports but still felt Indian, Asian or African rather than 'British'. The misfit identity has been passed on to many of their native born children. Many of these people sit uncomfortably in a 'silent resentment' in a no mans land, between some of the white populous and themselves. They feel and often are, treated as 'foreigners' despite having British citizenship and many years of residency. On a smaller scale, the same situation can be said for the British in France and on integration failure. During the 90's and 2000's, many sold up during the crazy 'property boom' and moved to France, fat with cash. Many did not learn French or integrate with the frogs. They took over whole villages and created a mini England in France. This really annoyed the French and rightly so. The riots in and around poorer parts of Paris are an example of integration failure on massive scale, causes of which are complex and debated by many.

It is very hard for expats who are always on the move to integrate with the local population. It must be very hard to lift up your home like a tortoise and move permeability to another country with a different language and culture. Do you adopt your new country in body and spirit, casting off your former clothes that once tied you as 'English', 'American' or 'French' for example. Perhaps places like England, could do more to welcome and integrate expat immigrants to its shores. Sadly, belief in the 'self ' has taken over belief in the collective and in the nation, in my own opinion. However, people must want to integrate and to be part of the nation. It takes two to tango, as the old cliche goes. Perhaps accepting ones new country is down to individual choice? You either accept it in full, with all its baggage or reproduce your own country in mini form, refusing to learn the language and refusing to integrate with your hosts. Sometimes this is easier said than done, due to culture clashes or animosity from others. We can easily stereotype counties, as above shows (intended as humor).

I digress, as I tend to do. To get back to the main question, what makes a person feel Russian, British or Spanish, French, etc? Does the media shape their identity? Is their identity with their country shaped from an early age at school and by their parents? I come from England that is part of one not so happy 'European Union', We still have the British pound but many of our laws and regulations are decided by geeks in Brussels who would not know a cod from a carp if it slapped them in the face and they decide the UK's agricultural Fisheries policy. Do I feel English? Does Britain exist anymore in only all but name? What is it to be English in the 21st century, when identity has slowly been eroded. Some will say but England is happy mix of people, from original Viking and Norman settlers to Africans, Asians and others, is there any such thing as Englishness (see link, not  a real word but means to feel English) or to be Englishman? I do not know what it is to be English anymore and it worries me, even if I do live abroad.

The Russians do seem to be very nationalistic. This belief in Russia, as a great country is encouraged by the politicians, by the media and by public holidays and big parades. I think this is a good idea. People need to identify with a place and with a belief. It makes people feel proud and part of a nation, it keeps people in check and docile. People need to belong, its human nature. Countries like the UK, have lost all identity, due to poor political decisions, the eroding of the manufacturing base and by membership of the EU. I think Russia has got it right on national identity, more so then the UK. I am not saying Russia is one happy place, full of happy people, it has huge gaps in wealth and opportunity but at least many of its people wave their flags and feel proud of Russia, even if they dont have a job, future or enough food to eat. 

In England, there will soon be a royal wedding, and the marriage will last for a few years and on the day of the marriage, people will wave their flags, people will get more drunk than usual and people will feel 'British' and proud, if only for one day in the year. Why can't people feel British and proud for good rather than just for a day? Because they have lost all hope and belief, they have no national identity. They are not alone, many other countries and people within the EU, feel exactly the same way. Some would say national identity (see link) is a myth and state of mind? I don't agree, I think its vital and needed, lets get it back.

Note: Like everything in almost every topic, there are exceptions to what I have said above and I do not deny the imperfections in my subject. I have only touched the surface in a very complex and controversial subject, mainly to think about nationalism and how and why people identify themselves as being English, America, Spanish, French or almost any nationality anywhere in the world.  All of the above ignores inequalities, education, racism, employment, gender and opportunity, to name only some reasons for integration failure. 

Immigration data (UK only)


Born abroad
Humorous website of stereotypes 
You are not your country 

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Research before moving abroad

I know this may sound like common sense and it is really, but research your future expat destination before you go, to avoid nasty surprises when you move.

If you are lucky enough to have someone else find your flat for you and to arrange your moving for you, then life will be less painful but many have to do this process themselves, as we did. Before moving to Russia for example, you should spend hours on Google typing in key words like flats, shopping, driving, banks, medical centres etc. There are many dedicated country forums for such things but be very cautious as forums often contain some very strange people on them as countries attract people to them for different reasons and some people on these forums may not be genuine or based in the country you are researching. You may be chatting/communicating with a man in Wales in the UK, who is sitting at his computer in the nude eating an apples pie, he may not actually be a guy called Dmitri, who claims to be twenty three and living in Moscow. Use this forums as a back up resource and send private messages to people that you think are genuine and trust, who can help you with your country questions.

Make sure you have good medical cover insurance and know what a country does and does not have. If you have special medical needs or if your children need special medication, make absolutely sure the country you are moving to has the drugs they need, don't assume they do, this applies to any country. Check for any culture difference that may upset you or make life difficult for you. For example, if you are moving to a strict Muslim country, the culture shock and practices may be too much for you to adapt to. If you worship the god of the giant banana and you are moving to Israel for example, you may find it hard to find your churches to pray in. If you have special eating needs such as you cannot eat snake, then make sure there are chickens in the country that you are going to. I joke of course, but you know what I mean. Research and plan, to avoid headaches later.

Custom regulations are strict to highly annoying in Russia, (See link) so check out what you can or cannot take in. It may be wise to leave behind your late deceased grandmothers Russian Samovar (or even your late deceased grandmother) as the Russians will keep it and don't bring any drugs in hidden up your bottom or up your punani (see link) or you will be found out and sent to prison for a long time to break rocks, like our man
Mikhail Khodorkovsky (see link). If you have any pets, make sure you can get them in and out if the country you may have to leave behind your pet Giraffe as some pets are classed as 'exotic' and may be forbidden. Dogs and cats may need micro chips, this is not a potato chip but an electronic one, that is injected into their neck, it lists, (via an electronic hand held scanner), the vaccinations that have Fido or Scotti have had. Without this, they may be sent home. My wife put one in my neck before we left and I bleep now when ever I pass a supermarket check out till or if I try to escape from home.

Check the climate of your future destination. In Russia for example summers can be baking hot, dry and if in Moscow, very polluted. Winters so far, are cold, although not as cold as they were twenty years ago. If you have a baby, it may be wise to find out what vaccinations are available in your chosen country as they differ from place to place. A vaccination may be available in the UK for example but not available in Moscow Russia. This applies to any vaccination for adults and children. The key is, don't assume anything but expect the worst then you will hopefully be prepared. I have been unable to find blu tak (see link) here so was not fully prepared but no one is perfect, even I am not perfect, although I am almost perfect.

If you are working in your chosen country and not a 'trailing spouse' (see link) then it will be vital that you know the transport links and travel times to and from your office. For example, if you are going to work in Moscow and can afford it, or will be provided with a flat in the centre of town, then travel will be a lot easier, by car or metro. If you plan to live outside the city where the air is cleaner and life is more pleasant, think carefully about your journey into the city. In Moscow, it can take hours to get into and out of the city due to the thick traffic congestion and you may have nervous breakdown stuck in a car for hours. In Moscow, like other big cities, you are damned if you live outside the city and damned if you live inside the city for costs or travel time.

If you are bringing children and they need kindergarten or schools and you don't get any financial help from your employer, then please think very carefully about the cost of education in your chosen country. In Moscow like everything else here, education for foreign ankle bitters is very expensive. Teach them yourself at home or don't educate them at all you will save a lot of money. Think about sending them out to work in a local factory, they will help with living the expenses in your new country.

The more you research and find out, the less likely it is that you will be shocked or unable to adapt and cope with your new destination. Many countries have books for sale that can help you research your chosen expat destination. Books like the 'Lonely Planet' range or books written by expats. In Slovakia, there is 'Easy Bratislava' and in Moscow there is 'Living In Moscow' unfortunately I don't get any commission for mentioning those names but do it to help you dear reader. I think the Internet is the best free resource.

They say money helps and certainly does in Moscow, if you want to live in the centre and want a good life style. Money and planning are key to moving abroad as obvious as it sounds. Good luck and bon voyage.

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Days of ice

I can recommend a walk to Patriarshiye Ponds 'Патриаршие пруды' (see link) at this time of year here in Moscow. I sometimes take junior there to play. This year, they have made big efforts with it in an unusual spending splurge in public spirited intention. Maybe its due to the newly 'elected city mayor' although I am not sure 'election' is a word you can really comfortably use in Russia. The pond is frozen with thick ice as it was last year, although this time they have put a large erection in the middle, in the form of a Xmas tree and there are wooden huts at the entrance of the park. I have to be honest, many of the huts are empty of sales people or goods, probably because either the rent was too high or know one knew about it. Russian logic is often behind these things. I use the term 'Russian logic' as it seems to be a way of doing things that defies common sense, we have a similar logic in the UK, its called the British government and the Human Rights Act but I digress dear reader. Last week, it was + in temperature and I half expected to see the Xmas tree sinking in the middle of the pond but the ice must be very thick as its still there leaning to the left, the Xmas tree Viagra has done its job.

There is an ice maze near the playground and an outdoor photo exhibition all around the park. People skate and the atmosphere is very pleasant and there is a community spirit, which is very welcome in a massive impersonal city like Moscow. Kids play and run around the maze and people are happy and almost smiling.

Its strange to see things change here season by season, this is my second winter here. last summer, we were all chocking on thick acrid smoke from the Russian forest fires. I, along with many others, wore breathing masks with our shorts and t-shirts outside. Now the season has changed, people ware warm coats, fur coats, gloves and hats outside at the park. The air is not acrid but fresher.

In the summer, you will see Muscovite's drinking beer from the can, wine from the bottle or Vodka in the park. I am a bit of a snob and old fashioned, I have always considered it unsightly and impolite to drink like that in a park but it seems to be a Russian tradition. In the UK, we have our hoodies (see link) drinking in parks, they fight, attack people and leave beer cans all over the grass. In Moscow, they are not hooded or causing any trouble just drinking outdoors, or at least I have not seen any at the pond.  My attitude may be the old school Brit in me that refuses to leave. Some attitudes don't change but mine may, perhaps I will drink in the park this summer? I'll sit on a bench and sip a strong larger, while watching the girls walk by, while junior plays on the grass. Kids are a great babe magnate, I wish I could have rented one for the day when I was young and single I would have got lucky. Women like to see the tender side in men and a kid in a pram (Stroller) attracts them like bees to honey.

Cravings of the home country- British Food

Living abroad as a British expat or any other nationality, can deny the expat of certain products that he or she loves from back home. This can also include dishes from the homeland. I absolutely love a good English marmalade (see link) or homemade marmalade. I am also shamefully addicted to Marmite (see link). I am trying to get help at 'Marmite Anonymous' and go to regular secret meeting groups. However my cravings still remain. You can buy it in Moscow from a man in a hat, if don't mind waiting and can pay in dollars or you can buy it via Perter Justesen (see link) mail order or from one of the luxury food stores here in Moscow. You can get HP sauce, (see link) custard and other such fantastic English condiments. I also miss a good English cheddar cheese. All imported food is costly here. Weetabix (see link) can be found here but is a like the lesser spotted woodpecker, its rare and hard to find and costly but necessary for normal bodily function.

You can get curry here or any other dish that you like, but prices are high and the quality is fair to poor. I have not yet found a good curry like they serve back home at a good British curry restaurant. I miss English dishes such as Toad in the hole, (see link) no toads are killed or harmed to make this dish, Shepherds pie, no shepherds are harmed or killed to make it, roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, (sadly a beef does give his life for this dish) Trifle (see link) and other such traditional English dishes. You can try to make these dishes at home but its not the same (I would burn the kitchen down) and ingredients can differ or be hard to get. You can always get peanut butter (peanuts do die and end up being mixed with butter) anywhere in the world but its rather harder to get good bacon for an English breakfast. You can get very good English sausages here in Moscow via home delivery from John Warrens sausages (see link). Two more specials, Branston pickle and Corned beef (see links) they are essentially British and really good. Corned beef looks horrible but combined with Branston pickle and crisps in a sandwich its the best. For best results, kick off your shoes, sit on the sofa, switch on your favorite TV show and drink a large tea with milk or a beer with this sandwich.

Many expats, stock up on much loved foods when they fly home and come back with loaded suitcases. There are Marks and Spenser's (see link) around the world, including here in Moscow but sadly they don't sell M&S foods like they do back home. You can take the Brit off England but you cant take England out off the Brit. I am sure the same applies to the French, German, Slovaks, Americans and other nationalities living abroad. However if you don't mind paying and have to look, you can find almost anything in your host country. I have lived abroad for over seven years but still not found a good curry like back home but I have not given up searching.

I am sorry if you have no idea what I am talking about as far the above products and recipes go, but if you not a Brit (we cant all be perfect) you may not know. Try them and feel reborn. I should also mention an unknown hero, sticky toffee pudding (see link). Its orgasmic and better than a naked Thai girl dancing on your lap. Eat it with custard (See link) or cream (That's the sticky toffee pudding and not the Thai girl). On seconds thoughts, why not eat it with a naked Thai girl in a bath of custard!

It was in 1902 that the Marmite Food Company (later Marmite Ltd) was set up in Burton on Trent. There mission, then as now, was to share the joy of Marmite-eating and make it available to all those with excellent taste. Join the Marmite fan club here

For any sandwich, chefs try these:

1 Peanut butter and jam on thick toasted bread

2 Marmalade, a mashed egg and sausage on thick soft untoasted bread

3 Corned beef, Branston pickle and crisps on soft white untoasted bread

4 Cold turkey and jam on soft white un toasted bread

5 Cold roast chicken with mayonnaise and crisps on soft white untoasted bread

6 Marmite and cheddar cheese on soft white untoasted bread

7 Mature cheddar cheese with Branston pickle on soft white untoasted bread. Drink a warm ale by a fire in an old English pub or at home in front of a good TV show.

N.B Sorry I hate vegetarianism and so can only suggest you eat a cabbage sandwich and drink it with a broccoli smoothie while wearing your knitted slippers.

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Memories live long - Slovakia

Moving from a small city to a big city can be a shock. Moving to Moscow after living in Bratislava (see link) for five years is like moving from a hut to a tower block and I say this with affection for Bratislava as a little place. Since this is ultimately a travel blog, (with some digressions) I thought I would tell you a bit about Bratislava and Slovakia.

When I moved to Slovakia, there was only one main airline that flew there from the UK. The country and capital was a well kept but delightful secret. Slovakia, or as the Heathrow airport flight departure screens once called it 'Bratislavia' is a small country in the heart of Europe, sixty minutes away from Vienna. We rented a flat at 110 Sq for a fixed price of 1,000 euro a month. The apartment was classic. High ceilings, French doors, wooden floors and very  beautiful. We now pay a lot more per month for a flat that is 75 Sq and frankly not the same standard and it was like going from a Rolls Royce to a Skoda but we expected this before came to Moscow. The point I am making is, Bratislava was and still is, cheap. You could get drunk at a pub in town for 10.00 GBP drinking very good Slovak beer or Czech beer. Drinking in Moscow by comparison is a sobering reality check, if you forgive the pun. I am sure prices have gone up but will not be at the mad level of Moscow. Life there was and still is sweet.

Bratislava is a small city, more like a provincial town. It has many bars, restaurants and an attractive town square. The summers are hot and the winters cold. In the summer it feels more like the Riviera than a former socialist country, with restaurant tables on the cobble streets and full of people laughing, drinking an eating outside. The people are friendly and the country is very well situated by road to everything else. In six hours you can drive to Venice, you can jump in the car and drive to Budapest, Croatia, France, Austria and many other places. Like Russia, the rest of the country outside the capital is rather under developed and ultimately financially forgotten by the central command. The ghosts of the past still haunt it today. Most over thirties in Slovakia, speak Russian as they had to learn it at school.

Slovak women are very beautiful often looking like modals, without being at all tarty and I would recommend any young single man to go there for you will not be disappointed. Many Slovaks of older generations, have a long memory and do not really like Russia or Russians as the Russian tanks arrived in August 1968 and took over their country. Slovaks feel bitter and have not forgotten this. It was strange for me to move to Russia, the country that once pulled the strings of Slovakia (Czechoslovakia). Many people died trying to escape Slovakia (Czechoslovakia)  by swimming across the Danube river, they were shot as they swam or drowned trying to escape to freedom. Its unhappy history, along with countless other former socialist orbits will never be fully erased. I was once told by a Russian that Slovakia was 'nothing' and 'a small country'. This made me angry and I found it arrogant, it made it harder for me to warm to Russia as my new home.

Slovakia is not like Hungary or Poland in culture or style but they do share a history. Slovaks understand Polish and Polish understand the Slovak langauge. Nobody understands Hungarian, its a funny musical langauge that sounds like a musical flute on LSD. There has been and still is, some conflict between Slovaks and Hungarians. Slovaks are not nationalistic like Russians but they are proud of their folk law and culture. Many Slovak women gave birth to babies via marriage to Russian soldiers or via an enforced 'fertilization'. Slovak women, have a unique look that is not like Russian women. Russian women look Russian and Slovak women look Slovak. Slovak cooking is typically, heavy and very filling. Halusky, (see link) the national dish, is very tasty but only eat once a year or you will get very fat.

By the time I left Slovakia, EasyJet, was flying daily to Bratislava and the stag parties began arriving and wrecking the town at weekends, behaving much the same way as they do back home in England. It seemed to me, that Bratislava was losing its innocence and charm and that the Brits were invading and raping it of its Disneyland charm. However, I still love Slovakia and miss it greatly. Bratislava is also fairly pollution free and in the summer a warm breeze blows the scent of the Danube river over the city and the air is sweet and warm. The contrast between Bratislava and Moscow could not be more different if it tried.

Its no longer a secret and has sadly grown up. Bratislava, is still well worth a visit and only two hours fifty minutes away by plane from Moscow. The quality of life in Bratislava is exceptional and nothing compared to life in Moscow. It goes without saying that adjustment has been a bitter pill to swallow.

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The expatriate

'An expatriate (in abbreviated form, expat see link) is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country and culture other than that of the person's upbringing or legal residence'. The types below are mostly stereotypes and refer to professional expats abroad and their reasons for being abroad. It also includes non working expats. Warning, information below contains adult content.

The five types: economic, trailing spouse, love lust drop out, traveler, other. These are general 'stereotypes'. See below.

Type 1: Economic lucky bastard

This type of expat is living abroad for financial gain or for reasons of career advancement or opportunity. These kinds of expats are usually on a contract for a set period, working abroad for a high profile international company. Usual types are to be found in accounting, construction, banking, hospitality, industry, law and advertising, for example. Some work in oil, geology and scientific areas. Stereotypes: Single, male and on very high pay, they live now now pay later, have full perks and benefits such as free rent, free schooling for kids if married, driver, free flights, regular business trips excellent generous expense accounts. If young and single, they do the minimum in work and party hard, they can do this as they are 'specialists' and know how to play the system, office rules that would apply back home, dont apply abroad. If single, they enjoy the fruits of many women and have a great time abroad.

On the other hand, many expats abroad, work very long hours and although they receive good benefits, they earn their pay and have little free time as their jobs are highly demanding and very deadline driven.These groups, can also include 'civil servants' (state employees) from many countries employed at embassies on set contracts working for the foreign office, visa office or economic development. These types are abroad as the job requires relocation and regular country moves. Roots are hard, to impossible to put down and life as an international gypsy is the norm for these types of expats.

Some of these groups, relocate seeking a new life and to get rich abroad some make it some don't, they learn the local language and integrate fully into their host country, while still maintaining their identity and a strong relationship with their own country of origin and fellow nationals. Countries of origin are usually international depending on the country, however Russia attracts many American men for reasons that I will never understand. These groups also include economic migrants who flee legally or illegally abroad to seek a new life and better opportunities usually heading for Europe, see below.

Type 2: Trailing spouse.

This type can include a wife or husband following their partner abroad. This type does not work either because they have taken on the full time child caring role or don't want to work and dont need to. The kids are their 'career' they give up their careers back home to follow their partner abroad. Their husband or wife is on big money with full benefits. They have a nanny full time or part time and stay at home. They either love their role in this situation abroad or totally hate it, especially in relation to moving to Moscow. They join woman's cubs and embrace their domestic roles as a full time job. Some are able to work part time in between looking after their child or children. Countries of origin are always international. This type are usually female but there are some males in this position. See above.

Type 3: Love, lust and the drop out

This type has moved abroad to be with a female or male partner. This type is usually a guy who has either met his girl abroad or who found her on an online dating site. The pull of the pussy has sucked many a guy into its vortex, gripping onto him and never releasing him like a ship lost at sea. Russian women can lock onto many  a man with their beauty, reeling him in like a helpless fish on a hook. (Sorry for the nautical/fishing/anatomy analogies, it was the best I could do).

These guys give up their homes, lives and countries to be with their lady. The relationship begins as lust and becomes love or is a confused combination of the two. These guys can be older (divorced or widowed) who met their women online on a Russian dating sites (for example) and who then sell up and move to Russia. Sometimes, these relationships work out but many fail badly due to an inability to accept the new country, loneliness, culture conflict or relationship failure. These types are often romantics, devil may care guys and brave at hearts.

Rarely, woman move abroad to be with her partner to start a new life with him these situations can work out as women generally follow their hearts, while men often tend to follow their dicks. These situations can also fail where culture and religion conflict in Muslim countries for example. In reverse, many lonely women and young girls have been duped into marriage for reasons of visas by dishonest immigrants looking to become permanent expats from the African continent and Asia for example, in these situations men move to their countries. Countries of origin for these women and girls is more European than international and that's what attracts these want to be expats from abroad.

Good old fashioned love can also be the biggest pull for some expats abroad. For some, true love is the only reason and for some the move abroad works out and they really do live happily ever after.  I think these situations are rare but when you hear about them, it makes you feel good.

The drop out, can be a guy who could not make it in his own country or who fled his own country for personal reasons or for a new fresh start. Often this group of expats move abroad becuase of a criminal record making it hard to find work back home or they move when they were released from prison for certain 'offenses'. They set up a new life abroad and often carry on abroad as they did back home where checks and controls abroad are less strict (Gary Glitter for example see link) than back home in their own country. This group could be sexual predators, political or financial criminals for example. They work abroad undetected with a fresh history often with a new name and a fake invented past.

The drop out, also includes eccentrics and artists who move abroad to places like India. Their ethos is freedom without ties and responsibilities with a hippie dream. Former socialist countries attract want to be 'socialists' or left wingers who are disenfranchised with their own countries. The great outdoors and nature attracts many drop outs to move to Australia, New Zealand to live a healthier and simpler life. Disenfranchisement and disappointment are the biggest pull for these types of expats.

Type 4: Traveler

This type is often aged under 30, has itchy feet and is looking for life experience, adventure and fun. He or she (often he) moves abroad to non English speaking countries to work as a teacher legally or illegally, qualified or unqualified. They work hard and make a good living teaching. Many meet girls/guys and settle down in their host country. This group also includes student exchanges in areas such as language and medical students. Many countries of origin are the US, UK and Canada. Gender types: Male and female but mostly male.

Type 5: Other

This type of expat can be a person who moved abroad for a few months for an experience and who liked the country so much that they settled abroad, often marrying a local and staying full time. These people are happy in their new countries, do well and embrace their new country, giving it 100% commitment. They learn the language and speak it fluently often helping other expats with a service or advice free or as a business. Many of these types have country national links via grandparents or older generations to their host expat country in that they have it in their 'blood' as being half or a quarter Russian, Italian, Slovak Polish for example.

Of course, some people become expats for all of the reasons above and more, there is often no single reason. They move abroad for a few months, years or for good. However, some return home very disappointed from their experience abroad.

Note: Many of the above are 'stereotypes' and there are of course many exceptions to the descriptions and types mentioned here.  

Other facts

Many expatriates earn a high income. The average annual income of British expatriates was £67,000 (€80,000) in 2007, or 43% above the UK average (NatWest IPB Expat Wealth Ranking Survey, 2007).

More than 30% of expats earn expatriate salaries in excess of £100,000 (€120,000) per year (HSBC Expat Explorer Survey, 2008).In addition to their salaries, many expat also receive special expatriate benefits that go significantly beyond the benefits of other employees. These can include relocation help, accommodation benefits and special family benefits such as financial support for private schooling.

The Telegraph is reporting on new figures coming out of the UK’s Office for National Statistics (ONS). The headline figure is a new estimate that 2 Million British citizens have emigrated in the last 10 years. Over the same period, the figures show 1.58 million foreign nationals left the UK. In 2006, it is estimated 200,000 Brits left. Although there is some argument over the statistics, this level of emigration is historically high and highlights that moving country has become a reality for an increasingly significant percentage of Britons.

Due to their higher than average incomes and addition support from employers, many expatriates experience a more luxurious lifestyle abroad than at home. More than half (58%) of expatriates save and invest more money abroad than in their home country - despite spending more money abroad than at home. After their move abroad, expatriates tend to spend more on food (+25%), shopping (+22%), accommodation (+18%) and socialising (+15%) (HSBC Expat Explorer Survey, 2008). Nevertheless, their expatriate benefits often allow them to enjoy luxuries abroad that they didn’t have at home, such as private health care and private education for their children.

Source 'other facts' as above: Justlanded.com

The above information (other facts) is less true now (dated) due to the credit crunch and world financial costs and cuts in benefits.

Mercer's 2010 Cost of Living survey

Luanda, Angola (1st)
Tokyo, Japan (2nd)

N'Djamena, Chad (3rd)

Moscow, Russia (4th)

Geneva, Switzerland (5th)

Source Mercer

Conclusion

In my own opinion, Britain has not got much to offer anyone anymore socially or economically, unless you come from a very poor country seeking a better life and manual work or unless you are highly skilled and well qualified in certain skilled professions. The main reasons for becoming an expat are financial, cultural and to experience new countries, languages and cuisines. Britain is dead as a country and will remain so for a long time unless it can drastically improve socially, morally and politically. The reasons for leaving, outweigh the reasons for staying. I don't know about other countries, although globally we are all in an economic crisis and reasons for leaving ones own country can vary between people.

For a more detailed published version of my article 8 types see Passport Magazine 

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Snow to sand- Moscow to Sharm El Sheikh

From Moscow

We arrived at Sheremetyevo (see link) airport in Moscow at 8.00 am in the morning on the 26th of December, full of excitement for our trip to Sharm El Sheikh (see link) in Egypt. Our flight time was to be at 10.40 am. The airport seemed fairly chaotic with about twenty unmanned check in desks. We waited, waited and waited. By 4.00 pm we were finally allowed to check in our luggage and proceeded to the departure lounge. Little did we know it was to be our home for the next 32 hours or so. The flight screens remained blank and there were no times, only the information that the flight was delayed. I asked a grumpy woman why and she said it was due to the weather.This was partly true but not fully true as we would later find out.

The departure screens eventually said that the departure time had changed to 10.00 pm that night so we thought hope was in sight and that we would get out of Russia and get to the sun and the sea. No such luck, this promised time came and went. The airport announcement girl kept saying all flights "is delaying". I could accept this bad English for the first few announcements but by the next afternoon, her announcements of the flight is delaying made me see red, if I had a gun I would have hunted her down in her airport office and at gunpoint forced her to make proper announcements in decent English. By this time I was functioning on auto pilot with red eyes and a screaming kid to look after, my wife chain smoked along with most other people in the departure lounge. Insanity was taking its grip on us all. People sat on the airport floor as there were not enough seats in the airport and it stank of cigarette smoke.We could see our plane from the departure lounge window as it was attached to the gate ramp. It sat there like a tantalizing chocolate cake in a patisserie shop window when you have no money in your pocket and are starving hungry.

No one slept and no information was given over the speaker system by the airline Aeroflot or as I call it 'Aerocrap'. That night, at the airport, passengers began drinking and singing karaoke on all the different departure lounge speaker systems. Fun fights broke out and the whole departure lounge was a sea of walking zombies, screaming kids and drunks. We did not sleep at all. By the next day of the 27th of December, our group in the departure lounge, all of which were Russian, were all fed up and rather drunk. A group of them, led by a fat man in a baseball cap, stormed the departure gate breaking it down and making a dash for the plane doors, maybe in an effort to fly us all there himself? He was promptly ejected by airport police. Other passengers all chanting "Egypt, Egypt, Egypt", all marched in unison to the Aeroflot office to demand an explanation, none was given, Police began to arrive with sticks and guns to control the angry passengers.

In the meantime, all the other flights were slowly taking off and landing and yet we had no information and no sign of a departure time for our doomed flight. Finally, at 6.30 in the evening on the 27th of December, the day after we arrived at the airport, we all boarded to plane to cheers of orgasmic delight. Russian passengers boarded the plane drunk or very drunk carrying plastic bags clanking with duty free booze. The plane filled up with bedraggled people and alcohol fumes filled the cabin and we finally took off for Egypt.

The family were so tired by that stage, that we could not sleep on the plane but we were so happy to be on the plane and in the air. Age restriction or beauty don't seem to be a requirement for Aeroflot female cabin staff, but they were nice enough and the food was good and the seats were soft and comfortable. No apology was given by the cabin crew or by the captain for the delay from hell.

Despite my original fears, I did not see any drunk Russians at our hotel apart from at the airport and they were all very funny and very entertaining, without them the time would have gone even slower. We were all in it together and they were fun to be with, even if we did not understand them all, although some spoke very good English, we made new friends. We lost one day and a night at our booked hotel, due to this delay that we had paid honest cash for. We hope to try and claim this back but Russian customer service and rights here are fairly non existent.

Sharm El Sheikh and the hotel

The hotel that we stayed was the Marriott (See link) its a five start resort. We booked it via a budget travel agency in Moscow for a very good price. The Marriott, is classy, although a bit tired round the edges. The rooms are large and the accommodation is on two floor levels, divided into accommodation blocks spread about the hotel grounds in well kept watered, palm tree gardens.

The rooms are marbled, big and peaceful. On a negative side, the water pressure on the baths and showers is weak and trickles out and the baths are too small. This is a strange design feature and an oversight by the Marriott chain, since they must have spent many millions on building the resort. I would think quality water pressure would be a basic essential at such a hotel.

The balcony railings are very low and dangerous for little kids and drunks as its possible to fall over them. The beds are big and comfy and all rooms have good air con. We moved rooms three times. The first room was next to another room, where they were drilling all day renovating it, as the previous occupants had set fire the bathroom. I don't really know how you can burn a bathroom down since its mostly made of tiles, but you live and learn, the second room was next to an all night New Years Eve disco and the third room was our final holiday room and faced the sea so we were happy. I do believe it pays to complain and I am the king of complainers.

The food at the Marriott is excellent and is a civilized help yourself buffet service, with chefs in those tall white chef hats waiting to serve you. At breakfast, you can have a full English, toast, fruit juices, made to order omelets, cereals, tea, coffee, and many different tasty breads and cakes to choose from. In the evening, the food is also excellent, meat dishes and salads and for desert there were many sticky cakes and chocolate cakes and other deserts to choose from. Lunch is the same quality. You will leave a lot fatter than when you arrived. The restaurant was busy and a bit of a food feeding trough at popular chow times but well worth waiting for.

Most of the Egyptian staff at the hotel are charming, smiling and very nice. Drinks are expensive and not included in the package. The are several pools but only one is heated so it gets crowed as the others are ice cold at this time of year. Deck chairs get taken early in the morning, by greedy invisible hands but you can get one on the beach and walk up the the pool. You can't swim in the sea due to Coral protection (although sadly most of it looked dead and swimming is unsafe due to stalking sharks) So the pools are your best, safest and only option.You can pay for diving trips but I think its a bit expensive and harmful to the natural environment.

There is a health spa but its not very good and a bit tired and dated. I had a massage but my back hurt more after the massage than before I had the massage, I dont think they are qualified masseurs. There is ping pong, snooker and live singing at night. The hotel had a mixed bag of nationalities, Dutch, German, Russian, Italian, English and there was one strange American family. The fat father wore a cowboy hat the whole time and his whole group took over two long tables in the restaurant each night. The chefs treated him like royalty. God only knows who he was? Boat trips are very expensive so we did not take one. I know I sound mean but I would not recommend it as they are over priced and not worth the money.

I don't know what it is about some Russian women by they can be spotted as Russian a mile away, even without hearing them speak. They dress very eccentrically. I saw one women at breakfast, she had black designer wellington boots with a white flower on the side of the boots, a black puffer boutique dress and Burberry patterned tights on, in 24 degrees of heat. She had a pair of D&G sunglasses balanced on her head and puffy collagen lips. These women seem to be almost like walking advertising boards for wealth and very bad taste.

If you go to this hotel, you will get fat as there is so much good food to choose from and its all delicious, although stay away from the salads as it may give you the shits, as it did me for two long days. There is a good safe fenced play area for kids but many steep steps and low walls around the hotel grounds, so you will have to be fit to climb them and you will have to keep an eye on your kids safety.

Along the road from the hotel, there is an 'old' and 'new' market as they are called. Don't think of it as a 'market' in the traditional sense, with stalls and hand made crafts, its more a collection of dilapidated shops all selling exactly the same crap. Goods such as Nargile smoking water pipes in various vulgar colours, fake designer hand bags and luggage (I bought a genuine copy of a 'Mont Blanc' travel bag, that fell to bits the first time I used it when back in Moscow) and T-shirts all saying the same thing. Every shop is exactly the same and smells of glue, plastic and sweet spices for the Nargile water pipes. The streets smell of toilets and sweet spices. Not worth seeing in my opinion, stay at your resort. Save your money, time and relax.

The Egyptian guys in every shop all say "hello where you from mate are you a cockney, come and see my shop, no pressure". They are hard salesmen and will charm you into buying anything in their shop, they bite your leg and won't let go like a terrier dog on heat till you leave with some crap from their shop. They are trying to make an honest living, selling what is basically tourist crap, mass produced in a factory but they are working in a competitive market so buy something from them, if only to help them out to make some money and to enjoy your freedom again.

The Koran and daily prays, dominate their lives and you will hear prayers blasting out from speakers in the shops and streets. I have never been to a Muslim country, if you exclude large parts of England, so it was a learning experience for me. They pray five times per day. Some even have prayers on their mobiles as ring tones or as message phone alerts. I will never understand how one religion can have such a hold on so many people and rules their lives from birth to death. I got the feeling that the real Muslims that I saw in Egypt, who are not fanatic killers, are decent, kind, good people, its a big pity a crazy bunch, (that seems to be growing daily around the world), spoils it for everyone else. Perhaps we should all follow some belief and the world would be a better place.

Many of the shop signs and menus are in Russian, I almost think Sharm El Sheikh is a Russian state but since its only a short flight away I suppose they are the main tourists there.The sea is warn and the sun shines and its worth visiting even if you only ever go once. I will not go back again.

The departure home

We were told the departure was to be at in the evening at 7.30 the next day. We ate dinner and went to bed, then at about 11.00 that night, the phone rang in our room, I was woken from my dreams of my return to Moscow by the Pegas holiday sales rep on the phone (Pegas is big in Egypt). She told me "sorry for disturbing" but.....and went on to say in broken English that our flight was to be at 7.30 the next morning and not in the evening and that the bus would collect us at 4.00 am in the morning. This meant we would lose a whole day at the hotel.

We angrily, got out of bed and packed our bags then went back to bed in our clothes getting up again at 3.00 am to get the damn bus to the airport. The bus came to collect us. We were the first to get on it. The bus drove at high speed over road bumps, shaking us all like peas in a tin. The bus toured the various hotels with names like 'The Golden Pyramid', 'The Spinx' all lit up in neon signs, that reminded me of Las Vegas. The bus filled up with Russians and the luggage rolled about on the bus smashing into the passengers on the bus, we were like cattle on a truck on our way to the airport to take the cattle plane home. Some of these hotels looked so bad, I would not even put my worst enemy in one. I guess they are cheap and to some peoples taste, if you like that kind of thing?

I have always been a closet snob or am I a man of taste? I think I am a man of taste! I have always avoided package holidays like this, like the plague, now I know why I did. Never again. The hotel was very nice and worth going to but the charter flight there and back and the whole process of getting to and from the airport was horrible and I would not recommend it to anyone. I was happy to get back to the mad smoked spaghetti of Moscow, not because I like Moscow, but just to be back at our temporary home base and in our temporary flat and back in one piece safe and sound.

Conclusions

I suspect the plane may have had technical problems as every other Aeroflot flight took off except ours. I may update you dear reader on our compliant success or failure. I think that airlines don't cancel flights or send passengers home becuase they would then be liable. Keep them all waiting and treat them like animals and there is no financial cost. Simple. We lost two days and one night due to flight problems. Passengers were given a food ticket when we were stuck in Moscow but it was only given out after midnight and it was not announced on the public speaker system. We only found out about it from another passenger, who was told this at the Aeroflot office in the airport.  I saw a man working on the engine of the plane that we were supposed to take. The plane was parked at the terminal departure ramp and you could see it from the window. We may never know the full truth or reasons for the delays.

As a lover of all food, I would strongly recommend this hotel but not Aeroflot or Pegas (see link). Go to Egypt, if you live in Moscow and want a break from the cold its worth a visit but please be careful how you get there and where you stay.

The press reports

Here are some stories from the press either true or false, they provide a comparison to what we saw and experienced.

Click below:

Putin assails officials over Moscow airport delays

Passengers face delays in Moscow after freezing rain 

 

Once again, the Russian government, probably like many governments the world over, blame others down the hierarchy line. This is party justified, although they should have been on top of it and had plans in place for such situations. The same can be applied to the Moscow fires in the summer of 2010. Its all a blame game and total incompetence. Heads in the sand or up their collective asses. If we ever have a mass emergency or terrorist attacks in any country, I fear the worst for people. Planning and response will be poor to slow to say the least. The blame game will continue unchallenged. All I can say is 'WTF' sorry, but I cannot think of any other eloquent response.