Goodbye to the self

Before you have kids or a kid, you are the center of your universe. "You" are all that counts. You are the all important one. You can go out when and where you like, you can see who you like when you like, you can go out or sleep late when you like. When you have a kid or kids that all changes. The "you" is no longer and your kids or kid are all that counts. At least that is, if you are a normal and balanced person. Many are not and still function as the "me" to the detriment of their kid or kids. I hope I am not like that and not one of those people. I am selfish and used to more selfish when I was younger and single. I hope my child changed that.

All most parents think about, is their children's happiness and their safety. How long do they think about this? I do not know? Is it only until their kids are in their twenty's or does it go on until their kids are older and when they themselves are old, gray and toothless? I worry about my child and his future and yet he is only young, I worry will he be safe and happy in the future? I worry what would my kid do if I was no longer here? I know this sounds rather morbid, but I ask you rhetorically, what would you tell your children if you knew you would no longer be here? Would you write them a set of instructions on life? What would your instructions teach them and what would you tell them?

I would include instructions to teach him to have street sense and to have a sense of danger. I would teach him: to never trust a builder, to never trust a real estate agent, to not go with unknown men, to never trust a car salesman, I would teach him not to drink too much, I would teach him to take an opportunity when he has one. I would also teach him to not have regrets and to not be too serious when he dates girls when he is young and in his early twenties when love comes easily. I would teach him all the things I did wrong, so that he would not make the same mistakes as me.

How would I do this? by a letter or by a recorded video recording? I would defiantly use a video recording that I would leave with my lawyer, with instructions to show him after I had gone, or at least I would in an ideal and organized world. I have an image of me sitting in a high back velvet armchair, by a fire looking like Vincent Price, wearing a red smoking jacket and purple silk cravat, sipping a brandy, with a pipe in one hand, talking calmly into the camera, giving my words of wisdom on life and all its pitfalls to my child. Why in a smoking jacket by a fire? Just becuase it would look cool and would be sophisticated.

Would any of us do these things if we knew we would no longer be here for our child or children? Do we just let out kids live and learn as we once did? We all make mistakes in life, we don't always learn from them. No one taught me these things. I wish they had.

After you have a kid or kids, you lose all freedom unless of course you are rich and can pay for a nanny, seven days a week. If you could do this, would you really be a parent to your child? Would he or she benefit from such a foster parent arrangement? In Russia, many rich kids have such arrangements. They have rich and busy parents who contract out their childhood to private nannies and tutors. Would I do the same if I was rich? Probably, but I would hope not. I know I would regret it.

Although you lose the freedom you once had, when you were childless and on your own, when you have a child its not unpleasant to no longer have that freedom, since your child becomes your new universe and their safety and happiness is your reason for living. How long does this feeling last? I don't know? For all your life? I hope so.

Goodbye to the self, may he rest in peace or at least till I need to go to the pub.

Banish that fat

I decided to go running with my kid round a lake, in a park in Moscow yesterday. I drove down there with the push chair in the car boot. I got him out the car, wrapped him up, put mittens on him, strapped him in tightly and bribed him with a biscuit. I ran round the lake pushing him along the path. He quietly munched his biscuit and all seemed well in the world, as I puffed and panted behind him. Then as if by magic, on the third lap of the lake, he began to gently sob, the sob then reached a scream by the forth lap. Russian women who were walking along the path, gave me dark judging looks that burnt into my inner soul. Junior screamed louder but I continued to run and push him along as my nervous twitch began twitching on my right eye. I tried to ignore him, I ran they looked, I ran they looked. I felt the worst father in the world, evil and nasty. He gave the performance of his life, Shakespeare would have been impressed by his acting abilities. I gave into the screams on the fifth lap and went to the play area to calm him down. He could win an Oscar.The screaming magically stopped when he went on the slide.

Today, I went to my usual gym, rising before the cockerel at 5.00 am, to get some fat burnt and to get back home before my wife goes to work. There is always the same couple in there every morning. A fat husband and wife team that would not look out of place in that well known British comedy show "Little Brittan". The woman is fat and so is her man. They go straight into the gym without doing any running. They have a personal trainer. She looks like a pink Blancmange or giant shrimp in her pink lycra top, he looks like a giant orange in his orange exercise outfit. They puff and pant in an orgasm of exercise, as their triple chins dance and wobble. I can't understand why they don't do any running before they go to lift weights? They never look any thinner but go every day. I admire them for trying but they should at least sweat a bit before they tone and shape.

New arrivals to Moscow

Here are a few tips and suggestions that immediately spring to my mind on surviving Moscow. These points are not all of course and I may have missed some, but this information may help you?

Flat heating

When choosing your flat, try to get one that has a heating 'off switch' and a separate water boiler. This may seem an odd thing to suggest but in Moscow, many flats and apartment blocks get their hot water and heating from the mother ship. In other words, it's controlled by an entity of the city. This may be a throw back to the heady, happy days of 'communism/socialism' when no one, except state officials had any control over their own lives. As a result of this situation, if you don't have the above you will cook in the winter and cook in the summer and you will also smell for two weeks in the summer if you don't like cold water. This is because all hot water is turned off by an invisible, unseen hand, as the city cleans the underground water pipes and you will only be able to take cold showers. If you do not have a separate heating control switch off valve on your radiators, you will have all your windows open in the dead of winter just to keep cool. This situation may change in the future but like everything in Russian, change is rather slow to non existent.

Buying fruit and vegetables

You can get fruit and veg at any of the big supermarkets if you have strong nerves and time on your hands. The big supermarkets that are not Russian brand names get very crowded and you will have to wait to weigh your fruit or veg to get your stuff weighed and bagged. The weighing machines have photos on the buttons of all veg and fruit for the linguistically challenged like me, so it will not be a worry to know what is what. Also there is not such a good choice of veg and nothing really exotic, Don't expect French style fruit and veg displays that are gently sprayed with mist, all in fine rows looking beautiful. Fruit and veg is thrown around and often rather bruised, caused by many hands chucking stuff around. You can buy your fruit and veg at many of the open air markets. You can just pick up what you need and give to the woman and she will weigh it, put it in a bag for you and ask for payment. If you don't speak Russian, don't open your mouth and give her a large notes (200 rubles) and she will give you change if she has change. Its better to speak some Russian or you could be cheated if she hears you are foreign. The quality is better and there is more choice at these open air markets.

Walking in Moscow

Walking around Moscow is easy if you have eyes, two legs and two feet. The roads are big wide and noisy. You will have more lead in you than a butchers pencil, by the time you reach your destination, as the air is heavy with traffic smoke and a kind of smog in the summer within the central areas of the city. Some Russians still drive very old cars from the 80’s, 90’s and early 2000’s all fitted with very annoying car alarms.

Crossing the road can often be a game of Russian roulette. Like every city, Moscow has zebra crossings. Some are red and white and some just have white stripes painted onto the road surface. These zebra crossings are not always respected. I have seen cars overtaking other cars before zebra crossings, they fly past the car in front and drive over the zebra crossing almost killing the person crossing the road. Basically my advice is, if you want to cross the road, use one of the many road underpasses or stand at the zebra crossing, step out onto the road, wait for the cars on both sides to stop and slow down, then cross quickly waving and thanking the drivers. Never assume a zebra crossing is an automatic right of way, you will end up as strawberry jam, you will die.

When crossing some zebra crossing at big junctions, watch out as cars will fly round the corners and go straight over the crossing even if its green for you to cross, you must have razor sharp senses and be very alert at all times. Like the world over nowadays, Russian drivers often have mobile phones permanently glued to their ears and will not be alert to other human beings crossing the roads. they are encased in their high of the ground jeeps, with tinted black windows and are oblivious to the world outside.

If you are with kids or if you are disabled it will not be so easy to get around in Moscow if you have a pushchair or wheel chair. There are many road underpass tunnels and these are safest ways to cross the roads. However not all have ramps and sometimes you will have to go further on down the road to find an underpass that has a ramp. If you have a child in a push chair (stroller) by my experience most drivers are kind and stop to let you cross the smaller roads (except the massive roads you would be invisible in the smoke so don't try it). If you don't have eyes, can't walk or are deaf take a friend to help you.

I am not exaggerating, please be safe.

Taxis and cars in Moscow

In Russia, you can use any car as a taxi, most of the private drivers will give you a lift but only for cash. Just wave any car down like you would a taxi. Everyone is out to make easy money and most drivers will happily stop and take where you want to go. However, if the driver has power tools on the back seat, blood on his hands, missing teeth or gold teeth and hands like shovels, don’t get in. If you are female I suggest you only take an illegal taxi, if you are traveling with another person as you can never be sure. Most over 30’s don’t speak any English, so you will need a basic command of Russian to say where you want to go and to understand what they tell you. It's best to negotiate the price before starting a trip (even official taxi drivers don't like to use meter counters).

When the driver recognizes you as a foreigner, he will try to make you pay the highest price taking you on a long tour of the city- so bargain and don’t get in until its all agreed. It is a good way to find out the fair price before (ask the locals). In any case, the car prices are relatively low, so it's a good way of moving around the city. Proper official taxis are not cheap and the drivers do not speak any English. Confirm the price first. If you are going to the airport always allow several hours extra to allow you to get to the airport on time as traffic is heavy at all times inside and outside Moscow.

Adapting

Its vital that you adapt to life in Moscow. Parachute in, roll out your kit and put on a brew and chill.

Change your mind set to how you have been used to things in your own country. At times, Moscow can seem like Nigeria in chaos and infrastructure etc. Do things slowly. The first things you will want to do is to arrange bottled water (you can't drink the tap water) and get the Internet. Don't take any flat unless you have a contract, although flat 'contracts' don't protect you much in Russia. If you use a real estate company, the agent may try to offer to arrange the Internet and water delivery for you. Be suspicious, as they may be getting a 'kick back' payment for this and may arrange a substandard service for you. Do it yourself and be in control.

It will take time to adapt. If you have kids, join the International Woman's Club for example. They accept men and you will not have to wear a dress or lipstick to join, much to my disappointment! Get out and explore the area. If you have a baby and want to use the metro, buy a baby rucksack to pop him or her into it as taking pushchairs (strollers) on the metro is not a wise idea as its crowded.

The city is impersonal and you will be invisible, so try to make new friends and get out an about asap. People in Moscow, including some expats, can be reserved and cautious of new faces. Hang in there and don't be dejected, you will meet your type of people, but it will take several months before you build a social network. Building a social network big or small, is vital for your sanity. You can always smoke and drink cheap vodka as its next to nothing to buy, if you feel depressed, although I don't recommend it. Get out and make new friends.

If you are a stay at home mother, adapting here will be easier as you can join the British Woman's Club or International Woman's Club or the Americans Women's Club (Just Google it) where you will meet like minded women in the same situation as you. Don't worry they don't wear pleated skirts, make jam and do knitting (well some do). If you are young and moving to Moscow, perhaps as a teacher or in a well paid position, life will be sweet and you will have a good time, if you are single and male, you will have a very good time! Moscow is relatively safe but be aware at all times. The biggest danger here is watching your money fly away.

Russians & Russia

So far and luckily, I have only met nice friendly Russians. I know its dangerous to generalize about a people but I'll do it anyway to help you.

Russians in Moscow are all in a hurry, like in any big city. They seem gruff and impolite at times, especially on the roads when driving. There are not really any strict parking laws here and cars are parked across zebra crossings, on corners and on pavements (sidewalks). I drives me crazy sometimes when I try to cross zebra crossings in Moscow with my kids push chair and the way is blocked as some imbecile has parked on the zebra crossing. Take a deep breath, be careful and go onto the road and back onto the pavement to get round it.

If you have kids, do not be surprised if Russian women tell you how to dress your child differently telling you to put a hat on him or her if its cold. You will see Russian kids covered from head to foot in the mildest of days, they mean no harm, as its just their way. Russians are very nationalistic and proud of Russia, which goes against my own culture and country where most people do not have any pride in England, the queen or the English flag. Here Russians are proud and this nationalism is put into them at school and every year on National day and by regular propaganda. This may be a ghost of Socialism? I think this is a very good thing for social cohesion, I wish my own country would try it.

In shops, don't be shocked if the cashier women looks grumpy and tuts if you don't have the correct change. Customer care and politeness is not really known in Moscow. Russians are hospitable and will welcome you into their homes. They do however seem to have strange opinions of anything outside of Russia and are a bit like children in believing that Father Christmas still exists in relation to the rest of the world. You only have to watch Russian news to see how it is manipulated to pat their leaders on the back and make Europe look worse than it really is. They are given news and information on the outside world rather selectively. Its hard for Russians to get visas and likewise its a pain in the bum for us foreigners to get visas for Russia. Many Russian are highly educated, tough and intelligent. Some speak a few languages including English, sometimes with an American accent. 

Men are men and women are women, women see childcare and cooking as normal and men don't generally get involved on that side of domestic duties, in some ways this is nice but if you are in my situation you will be seen as unusual. People say Russians can be racist, although I have not so far seen this in action, I have only heard tales of it. You should be as afraid of the police here as you are afraid of the criminals, many police are lazy and turn a blind eye to trouble. Its not uncommon to see a man being badly beating by another man on the metro and the police will not be anywhere to be seen to help him.

Russian women can be very attractive to fit their 'known stereotype' but can look very vain and rather proud.  Older Russian men are often with shaved heads and large stomachs.There of course many exceptions to what I have said. I have greatly generalized. In conclusion, Russian women are among the most beautiful in the world as are women in general from Eastern Europe, they have a distinctive look.

Russia is huge and most of it is covered in forest in the countryside. It would take you ages just to see all it. Get out of Moscow and see places, take trains or drive, there is so much to see. Moscow is polluted, although Russians will say its like any other city (see above pints). It can be very cold in winter, less so than in the past due to climate change and summers can be baking and very unpleasant. 

After all, is Russia really so different to the UK? in some ways yes and in other ways  no. Is it better? Only you can know that once you have lived here for a while. Opinions are personal and different to all. Russia is Russia and just different.

Note: All information is only current as dated.

Moscow

I have written about many things, about being a stay at home dad and about life in Moscow Russia but I have not written just about Moscow so I hope this helps you in some small way.

If you are thinking of moving to Moscow. Don't do it! Only joking, do it, but do it very carefully, research it on the Internet and research it by reading such wonderful blogs like this one. Find out as much possible before you hit the yes button to move here. I will try to offer my own experience and opinion of Moscow. Remember this is only my opinion and others may not agree with me, get a balanced opinion not just mine.

Before you move here, think about where you want to live and how you will afford it, look at 'Google Maps' to get an idea of the areas and city layout. If you are being sent here by your employer or your partners (wife's/husband's) employer, make sure you have an excellent remuneration package. This will include some or all of the following: free or subsidized rent, a driver, reimbursed moving costs, children schooling costs, free flights and full medical insurance. If you are moving to Moscow to work as a teacher, make sure the school is respected, official and trusted. Make sure they provide you with a flat and with a visa. Never accept anything unless its in writing. A persons word is simply not enough nowadays.

Most 'expats' live in and around, the center of town in the first ring. The city is made up of rings. Most, if not all 'real estate' agents (US terminology) will show you the most expensive areas. This is because they know that many expats have their rent paid for. This is happening less now but still happens and has pushed up the price of rents for all. If you want a two bedroom flat in and around the center you will need a budget from about 2,000 pounds to 4,000 pounds per month! (this price is only relevant as of today's date!). Russians are obsessed with saying every flat you will look at is at "western standards" and that it has new windows. This translates into its a semi to 'normal' flat with 'UPC' (plastic windows). Its a bit like saying my shoes are made in Italy and so what!

You will be shown flats that have an awful exterior and a nice interior or the other way round. You will be shown flats with strange colours, layouts and furniture. Russians decorate their flats for letting according to their own taste, rather than in white and neutral colours and you may not be allowed to put any of your pictures on the walls. Be warned, you will be horrified by some of the flats you look at or you will be totally amazed at the crazy layout and decor, I saw one flat with a pattern on fried eggs on the walls. Russian landlords don't generally like pets.  They see it as their flat and you as the guest, while happily charging you exorbitant rents. They key is to negotiate the rent, even if your employer is paying the rent. Never pay them what they ask for. My own flat, has mirrors on the bathroom ceiling and an 80's style kitchen and bathroom. We pay over 2,000 euro which is very cheap for the area, we insisted on the rent price being fixed, be tough or walk away. There are many agents here and they tend to be a bit arrogant in the behavior and in their dealings with foreigners. They often hire students or ex language students who speak good English, so communication will not be an issue if you don't speak Russian. I refuse to advertise any real estate agencies here but email me if you need any list of the good, the bad and the ugly.

The agents gets one months rent and the landlord gets one months rent in advance. This is an unfair system to you the renter, since the agent will want to the rent to be as high as possible so they get the most money. You will want to be near to a metro as driving in Moscow in the week is a no no. It's slow and very painful, taking hours to travel any short distance. The metro is cheap and fast but can get crowded at rush hour. Many expats in high ranking positions, have their own drivers and because of this, many Russians will assume you will have your own driver. Make sure your employer arranges all visas for you as doing it on your own will test your sanity to its absolute limits.

Moscow is big, mega big with mega roads, its more like a giant concrete car park. There are many green parks nested within the traffic and many shopping centers to choose from. Be careful of wild dogs when walking in a park as they have been known to attack and even eat people. If you like jogging, do it by the river or join a gym it will be safer.

You will need a car to allow you to do a big shop once a month to stock up on food etc. Its better to have a car even if you only use it at weekends to go to one of the many food shops like the French food chain Auchan for example. These big food shops will save you money, rather than buying things often in the small local shops in and around the center of Moscow. There are many kindergartens in Moscow of different quality, some registered some not and off the official radar. Prices are high, so look around for the best deal. If your employer will pay childcare costs, then you will have nothing to worry about. Life in Moscow is hard, dirty and expensive.

There is a lot to see here and great giant communistic Stalinist buildings that will amaze you, they look like they have come straight out an old 'Batman' movie and Gotham city. You will be able to escape the city at weekends but leave early in the morning to avoid the heavy traffic that clogs all roads into and out of the center of Moscow. You cannot drink the public tap water and will have to buy bottles of water or hire a water machine getting those large office water bottles delivered to you each month. You will need roughly four bottles a month for three people, more if you are four and so on. Delivery men rarely have change and cash is king, so make sure you have the correct money when paying in cash for home deliveries. Delivery times promised are 'ball park' times, so be ready to be kept waiting. The main Internet provider here is 'Stream', its good and fast. Don't use any other.

There are many private medical centers some charging hundreds of euro just for a ten minute consultation or for medication. If you have a social conscience, shop around, as high medical claims will push up insurance premiums for all. Visit them and talk to them before you select one as your main health care provider. Get their price lists to get an idea of charges. If they can't or won't give you a price list, walk away and find another clinic.

Moving to Moscow, will be a shock, unless you come from a big city in your home country. Even if you do, you will still need to mentally adapt to the Russian ways of doing things and to Russian idiosyncrasies. It will take time and practice. If you have children or have any breathing problems like asthma, I don't recommend you staying here longer than a two to three years. In fact, I don't recommend anyone to stay here longer than two to three years, simply because of your health and your wallet. Eating out is expensive and the food is generally average and sometimes even good! Service can be slow and waiters rude.

In my own opinion, Moscow is a great place if you are young, single and with money. You will have a great time here. Russians are generally friendly and like children. There are of course, many bad guys here and crooks and a lot of corruption within every orifice of Russian daily life. If you are not a criminal and do not do business with such people, you will be safe and will probably have no problems, Moscow is as safe as any other city, although there are a lot of drunks and beggars. I lived in a small city before moving here. I did my research before coming but still found it very hard to adjust to life here. I personally don't like it here and intend to leave as soon as circumstance will allow it. I have visited many places outside of Moscow that you can read about on this blog.

Moscow is not Russia. Get out of Moscow as often as you can by flying out or visiting the Russian countryside, there is a lot to see, but ancient monuments and churches have mostly been left to decay, so see them while you can, while they are still standing. You will need to refresh your mind and body as much as possible. Get it in and get out and see it as an experience. Having said all of this some people love it here.

Good luck dear reader in your possible move to Moscow.

Mork calling Orson, anyone there?

'Mork calling Orson come in Orson', to quote a well known US show from the 80's staring Robin Williams. As a stay at home dad and a foreigner living abroad in a place like Moscow, you will feel as if you are a visitor to another planet. Being new to parenthood brings with it new things. When I was single and happy and childless, ( I joke about the single and happy bit... well almost) I used to feel sick when people lamented and went on about their kids, I found it very boring and annoying. Now I am a parent I do exactly the same thing, although I am more aware of myself doing it than they were. I do not think my kid is perfect. I will lament in a negative way about the joys of toddlers.

Living in Moscow and at home all day with my ejaculation, my off spring, my child, I feel I need to call the mother ship and ask for instructions or a sanity pill to cope with my life here and with a toddler. As a child approaches two, they say this is the difficult age, although I think mine has already started this period and he is not yet two. I have to say, I don't think he is any less behaved than any other normal toddler that has not been kept wrapped in cotton wool. I believe he is healthy, yet very annoying. Today he decided to take a Tipex bottle, (that white correction fluid used for correcting typing mistakes on paper) and painted himself with it while my back was turned while I was in the kitchen trying to make a quiche without burning the kitchen down. When I came out the kitchen, I saw him sitting on the leather sofa smiling with white paint all over his face, jumper and trousers and all over the sofa seat. He will throw cat biscuits down the toilet, put the cats biscuits into the cats water bowel and put them in the washing machine if I turn my back for a second and leave the kitchen child gate open. He follows me all around the flat like a mini stalker, wide eyed and laughing hysterically.

Sometimes, I swear his head is spinning around and fire is blowing from his ears. He gets energy attacks, combined with high pitch creaming and nothing will calm him down except bribery and chocolate. I am sure the chocolate makes him even more hyperactive. They don't come with an off switch or a set of instructions. On the other hand, I am lucky as at night he shuts down his hard drive at seven and does not wake till the next morning at seven. We don't have a day off or a lie in. Its ironic as when he reaches his teen years, we will have trouble getting him up before midday, if I am any example to follow.

Ah, the joys of parenthood and living abroad. Mork calling Orson, come in Orson, I need some instructions and a sanity pill, hello anyone out there?

Time to get my man tights out

The first flurries of snow fell down from the sky this week in Moscow. Its time to break out my man tights and tight up ('pantyhose' if you are from the US of A). The weather has changed suddenly, like a woman's mood at that time of the month. Its gone from spring like weather, with blue skies and warm air, to Autumn and cold in the blink of eye. Seasons here change over days rather than weeks it seems to me.

I must confess that I like wearing tights (long-johns) you feel warm and elastic under your trousers, You feel snug encased in nylon. Maybe I should be worried about these tendencies? The only disadvantage is, if like me, you get caught short when you badly need a pee and must undo everything very fast. You have to rush to the nearest place to pee or find tree, undo your flies and trouser belt and drop your man tights and pee. You don't always make it, especially when its very cold.

At this time of change in the weather, you must also dress your offspring , 'the fruit of your loins', in warmer clothes. I recommend any expats in Moscow not to buy any clothes here for you or your family. You will pay at least 30% to 40% more here and you will be wasting money for things that you should not pay such prices for. Wait till you next fly out and stock up on man tights and other items, you will save a lot of money. They say it will be a cold one this year. We all baked and cooked in the summer, so its only consistent that we all freeze in the winter. You wounder why Russians have no clue or idea about climate change!

Time to tight up rather than suit up, get those gloves and hats out, winter has arrived in mother Russia. Perhaps they will cloud bomb the skies again to control the weather? Anything can be controlled in Russia if you have the money, a big fist or a gun.

Banging, drilling and sanding from below

I have spoken about remont (home renovation) in Russia before but I feel I have to warn anyone who is thinking of moving to Moscow, beware. We have had "remont" going on above us and below us since we moved in. We live in a 1960s style block. Many of the Russians here in our block don't pay any rent or even have mortgages. Its not unusual for Russians to have inherited their flats from parents or grandparents. This makes it all the more difficult for us to accept it, when we count out the rent in new crisp bank notes, onto the table (that are into the thousands) and watch the landlady put it into her handbag, I can't watch her do it, it makes me feel sick. Some Russians rent out flats to foreigners for crazy prices. Rent from foreigners supports whole families in Moscow or allows the wife of the flat owner that boob job and designer wardrobe that she has always wanted.

We have had drilling, banging and sanding, going on below us, almost every day for four months. It begins at around ten and goes onto seven or eight at night. They have been using an electric sanding machine that sounds bit like a giant cat purring. A few weeks ago, I snapped and went downstairs and walked into the flat and said to the two people I saw "stop stop enough". A disheveled man, who looked as if he had just got out of bed waring carpet slippers, was sanding the floor with a machine that looked as if he had stolen it from the museum of electric hand tools. A gray haired women wearing an old house coat was sitting in the kitchen, casually reading a newspaper. I left them looking rather surprised at the strange foreign man who had just entered their remont world. I suspect it was the worker and the new flat owners mother who was there to supervise.

The flat is going to be the home of a Russian and his girlfriend or "wife" ( I don't know which she is). I met him a few weeks ago and asked him when he would be finished. He speaks some English. He said he did not know, I asked him if he could keep the noise down between midday and two, as my son sleeps at those times, he said "ask the workers" and smiled. He asked me how much our rent was? I stupidly told him and he said "this is good price, you have new windows and you have air-con", as if that justifies it! New windows (UPC standard) and one air con unit, 'wow' big deal. Arrogant ***ck, a stereotype Russian, in money. He wears tweed jackets and dresses in Tommy Hilfiger. He drives a large Volvo. Get the picture?

Today, their was banging so loud from below us, that the whole flat shook. I went downstairs to see what it was and they were putting in a new front door. A sweating bald man was standing on a step ladder, banging, rather than drilling out large chunks of wall from where the old front door used to be. I met my 'Tommy Hilfiger' friend again as I was going back to my flat. I snapped and said to him "you are a very arrogant man why don't you warn your neighbors about this work and think of others?", he replied "the work, it take no more than two months". I walked away shaking with anger, I am not a violent man but felt like punching him. Two things I hate in people, are arrogance and cruelty, he is pure arrogance mixed with renovation cruelty. He may have only understood some of my words, which is all the more frustrating for me. I wish I spoke Russian at times like these.... but then if I did speak Russian, I could end up shot or beaten, so maybe its lucky don't speak Russian!

I don't know what laws are here for disturbing people (are there any laws here?) or how workers price up jobs? Perhaps they do it be a daily basis? Which would explain why they take so long, or maybe they don't have the correct tools for the job? I will never know. I will have a bottle of Vodka to calm down.

Does every dog have his day?

This bit does not have much to do with Moscow Russia or kids but is a kind of open question. I started this blog as a way to fill time during my early mundane childcare duties and have continued it to now. Writing publicly can be done by anyone and can be very therapeutic. I say thank god for the internet. I enjoy writing for the sake of writing. A blog is not really the same as sitting on a psychiatrists couch, but it sure helps. Writing online is a way of expressing yourself to strangers, to friends and to acquaintances . Now I know how housewives must have felt in the 50's and 60's at home with the kids all day. They had no internet, only neighbors and coffee mornings they were "desperate housewives". I applaud these women of yesteryear. It must have been tough. Before I took on my full time home role, I had no idea how it would be.

A thought popped into my empty head today while walking in the park.  Does every dog have its day? I mean at some time in everyone's life do they have an opportunity or a bit of luck that changes their lives for ever?

Take the pretty sixteen year old girl sitting on a train when she is spotted by a model agency scout and becomes a top model, take the actor who answers a job advert for an extra bit part and hits the big time, take the Russian who bought a flat or factory at the collapse of the former USSR, who later becomes a millionaire, take the person who wins the lottery. I do not think of myself as at all unlucky, I have food in my stomach, a home and some money in the bank. I do not live in a hut in Africa, I do not struggle to bring up a family in poverty, I count my blessings and are thankful for them. However, I can't help thinking when will my day come? Maybe we all ask that question at some time in our lives. Do we all have a lucky break? Do we all get the chance to be in the right place at the right time? Do some people never have their day? Why do some people seem to be in the right place at the right time? Is it calculated or lucky? They say money makes money and I think this is true but some people start with nothing and build fortunes while others just seem to have it easy, or is this a popular myth? Where do I get this map to be in the right place at the right time?

I do not wish to publicly gaze at my navel and analyze myself, but rather I wish to ask this question, do we all have our day? Do we have our moment when everything changes in a positive way? Does it happen to all, or just to some people? Does it happen to everyone one at some time? From the kid in Beijing, to the out of work singer in London, to the artist in Paris? Is there such a thing as luck or do we make our own luck? I do believe in luck and that we also make our own luck but I also believe every dog has his or her day at some point in their lives or am I barking up the wrong tree dear reader? Sorry for another bad pun.

A wall in Moscow

This story is not fascinating and the world won't stop turning but it is a conundrum to ponder on if you are that way inclined as I am. I think about things from the important to the trivial on an hourly basis. At times, you would not want to be in my mind. It can be a dark damp place with mushrooms growing in it. The darkness is occasionally broken by flecks of light shinning through the cracks in the floor boards above. Questions such as, is the moon made of cheese? Why do spiders have eight legs? Why do men have nipples? Why do women paint their toe nails? Why do our ears make ear wax? If you collected all the fluff from your navel, could you knit a jumper? Is the EU a good thing? Will a Tsunami flood New York, Will Iran kill us all? Why do I like junk food when it makes me fat? Why why, why?

Walking in Moscow today, I saw a wall being painted. I had seen it before when I was walking with my kid to a park, but thought nothing of it. Its a big wall of an embassy. The wall is high and split into sections, divided by columns. Now I don't know if this Russian logic or the logic of any worker the world over but it made me laugh. Last week, the workers started chipping off the old lose cement and scraping off the flaking paint on the sections of the wall, they also began to fill in the cracks with new cement. They started the work early last week and  its now Wednesday and still unfinished. Today, I noticed they have painted and finished one section of the wall and as I said the wall is split into about ten sections divided by columns. One section is finished and painted, the other sections either side of it still need to be repaired and painted. Why didn't the workers scrape of and recement all the sections of the wall and then paint the whole wall rather than one section? This is what I would have done. Prepare and paint, the golden rule of painting. People are funny and I will never understand them.

Izmaylovo market , Moscow

Izmaylovo market is a large open air market situated near Izmaylovsky Park. The nearest metro is Arbatsko-Pokrovskaya. I last went there when I was based in Moscow about ten years ago. It has changed a bit and become a bit tacky and touristic. It used to have a lot more real hand craft and hand made goods for sale. It now has mountains of wooden Russian dolls, copied Cd movies and military goods for sale. I went there today with my family. If you go there in the winter, wrap up warm as it is rather damp. I don't know if it used to be a marsh or swap area, but it is a lot more humid than elsewhere in Moscow and the damp penetrates through to your nether regions like an unwanted rash. Wear warm socks and take gloves or take a flask of Vodka to warm your parts.

As you enter the market, there are Cd's for sale and painted boxes and Russian dolls but go further on up the blue steps and you will find a variety of old stuff, from real antiques, paintings to total junk. Most of the Sellers speak some English and will quote you some outrageous prices, simply because you are foreign and they try their luck, genuinely believing that some people really are stupid enough to pay them what the ask for. They are not unlike the many real estate agents that work in Moscow, when they ask their outrageous rent prices. Sorry I digress.

I had a look around the market today, carrying my son on my shoulders and could feel my lower spine turning to dust, the only thing that kept me going through the pain as he wriggled and screamed was the thought of a hot kebab. As we both waited for my wife to tear herself away from buying yet another shawl, to add to her four others that she already has at home, a man blew his nose in a long stream onto the pavement, his green snot hit the ground with the noise of a rotten pear hitting concrete, this is one of the main things that I hate about Russia, this outdoor habit, what happened to handkerchiefs or tissues? I fought hard to block this image from my mind as we made our way to the kebab stand. About six men stood in a line, wearing white chefs coats over their winter costs, bent over charcoal cooking meat on sticks. You can get lamb, beef, chicken, pork or fish. Its rather tasty but a bit small for a man of my size, and being the pig that I am, I usually buy two when I eat at Izmaylovo .

You will need about four hours to look round but be careful if you buy any what you believe to be old Icons as they may not be old and if they are old, you will not be able to take them out of Russia if they are over one hundred years old. This is because of Russian custom regulations. I think Russian regulations should be a degree topic, they are so complicated and very annoying.

Izmaylovo market is well worth a visit and a good way to waste time on a Sunday. You will have fun looking round it but as I said before dear reader, wrap up warm and negotiate on your prices, never pay what they ask for.

Novodevichy Cemetery, Moscow

A park worth visiting in Moscow is Novodevichy Cemetery. This is a large park and church by the Moscow river. You can go in for free and walk round the cemetery, its not quite dead in the centre of town (if you forgive the pun) but is a short drive from the new Arbat street. It is an oasis in a sea of traffic in Moscow.

The graves are amazing (if graves can be amazing). The cemetery is packed with the famous and infamous. Many graves have enormous headstones and statues carved out of solid granite and sandstone. I can't imagine how much these headstones cost? I would think many thousands of pounds. I don't think the 'state' would pay for such things nowadays to rememeber their hereo's, which is rather sad. These statues are larger than life monuments to dead and famous Russians and really worth seeing. Boris Yeltsin rests there, although I am sure he is spinning in his grave if he can see how Russian has become, I am sure the current situation was not in his grand plans.

There are artists, scientists and many former Russian solderers and Soviet hero's. Resting below the church and cemetery is a large green large park. This is a good place to take the kids to as it has a playground area, although strangely, the park does not have a fence around and is surrounded by a busy roads so be very careful of your children's safety. The park is nicely kept and has twisting  paths all around it as well as large lake. I highly recommend it for a walk on a sunny day and the park also looks very beautiful in the snow.

The ideal job, a reality check.

I am in an mixed marriage. I don't mean she is black and I am white but I mean by nationality. I once had a career, albeit one that I hated and had reached total burn out. The chance to change my life and live abroad seemed a tantalizing prospect.

I once though my ideal job would be to be a matron in a girls boarding school. I would disguise myself as a matron, insert false balloon boobs and help out and supervise the after hockey shower sessions. Sadly, that never happened. I have been married, for I think, about nine years? I am not sure on the exact date that we married, it's all a blur but don't tell my wife that. I have still not yet learned my wife's language. I am trying to self teach myself but being dyslexic it ain't easy and I absolutely hate languages, they bore me. I could not read or write probably until I was about twenty two years of age. I will have to learn and later work in my wife's country or in another country if we are sent aboard again. What will I do? What is the ideal job? My world has been submerged in nappies, baby food and toys. Before I became a stay at home dad, I worked at out last country posting after leaving my UK job as a systems manager. I have been out of the world of work for so long as an employee, I don't think I could face it or even like being employed again. I don't think I could work in an office and play office games and office politics. I could not suffer the same bull shit that goes on in an office environment. I would hate it.

What would be my ideal job? A lighthouse keeper, a wine tester, a top model scout, a bed mattress tester, a sleep research volunteer, I don't know? I would like to be self employed, to blow my own trumpet, to be my own boss. The trouble is I am not alone, many people dream of having their own business or doing their own thing. I have reached the stage in life where I get excited about the price of vegetables, I compare push chairs (strollers) in the street, time for a reality check. I have become a non working housewife or 'manwife'.

I am thinking of learning a transferable skill that can be done anywhere. I am thinking of therapeutic massage. Maybe I will do it and find a massage course but I am not sure how easy it would be to find such a course, on the other hand, if you forgive the pun, not all women would be happy to have a male massage, to have a man touch them. I have been told I am good at it and enjoy it, so why not! This goes against male and female roles and the norms of society (see below). You can pay a lot for a massage and I am sure a good living can be made from it. Time dear reader, to think to the future beyond life of a stay at home dad.

Note: I hope this post (and in fact this blog) does not come across as depressed or depressive. Like anyone, I am a bit depressed at times but its more of an observation as a stay at home dad and non working expat living in Russia than a place to complain. I also enjoy writing and hope you enjoy these ramblings. Thanks.