Moscow city driving with Bart

If you are thinking of driving in Moscow, in my experience, its not as scary as people would have us all believe. The roads are wide, often with 6 lanes in each direction. The lanes are not always clearly marked on the road, so when its dark, it can be hard to see where you should be positioned on the road. I have not seen many drivers showing manners when driving. Drivers don't seem to thank each other, if a car lets another car in front of them, its a shock! but nice shock. Drivers don't seem to show patience or thought for others. Often, other drivers will not let you into the road in front of them, like all drivers the world over, they become cocooned within the womb of their car, defending their road space to the death. You have to show confidence and cheek and just force you way onto a road. Drivers will often just pull out in front of you without any signal or indicator, which is highly annoying. The other day, I saw one car reversing down the road at very high speed, I had to swerve out the way to avoid hitting him. The roads do get dirty in the winter if there is snow and your windscreen will need cleaning so make sure you have antifreeze.

If you linguistically challenged like me, and don't speak Russian, it will be difficult to find your way around the city as you will not be able to read the road signs and even if you could read the signs there are not always signs to tell you the direction. I resolved this problem by buying satellite navigation (Tom Tom). I bought it on my last trip out of Russia. It comes with a Latin keyboard, so you can just enter in the destination in Latin rather than in Russian Cyrillic. I changed the voice on my Tom Tom as she was a bit bossy (Kate). I went to the Tom Tom website and downloaded a new voice. I now have Bart Simpson telling me which direction to go in when I drive in Moscow. Its really funny and rather surreal to hear an American cartoon character directing you. The navigation system takes you almost to the door of your destination. You can then just focus on the road and you will feel more relaxed when driving in Moscow. Bart will just tell you which way to go and get you there without too many problems. I have not yet driven outside Moscow. I only use my car for short shopping trips and never drive in the week.The traffic is too bad here in the week and takes hours to travel a few kilometers.

My advice when driving in Moscow, is be focused and be confident, this will help you to avoid any accidents and always carry your car papers and passport with you. I have never been stopped by the Police so I have been rather lucky. Of course, experience differs, but generally if you are sensible and have a bit of luck you will be safe driving here, I think driving in Moscow is no more dangerous than driving in any big city, the only difference here, is that the Russian Police may hassle you to extract money from you for some small, real or imagined driving offense.

One last bit of advice, don't be aggressive and try not to use your horn/klaxon, if other drivers cut you up, take a deep breath and let it go, life is too short. You never know who is behind the wheel. Be safe and happy driving.

Lunch with Yulia

Lunch with our landlady was a nice experience. She lives outside the city of Moscow. Its about a 30 minute drive. You have to drive to a place called "Luxury village". This was not my first time visiting "luxury village" I had the unusual experience before Christmas of teaching an Oligarchs son near where our landlady lives in Luxury Village.

Yulia (Julia) lives in one of the many gated private villages that seem to be common here in and around Moscow. We have gated communities in Britain, but they are few and far between. I would not mind living in one, if I could afford it, they are safer and cleaner than regular housing estates.

Yulia, made an excellent lunch of crab salad, red caviar eggs, salmon, meat burgers and mashed potato. This was all washed down with large amounts of red and white wine. I noticed that Yulia liked to make many toasts, maybe that a Russian thing to toast to everything? I like the idea a lot. A toast to welcome us to her home, a toast for the New Year, a toast for good health, a toast to us, a toast to this and a toast to that. I did not take part, as I was the unlucky driver. Her house is big and wooden. She told us that it has been in her late husbands family for years and that the land was spilt up, half was given to one son and the other half was given to another son (her late husband), the brothers did not speak to each other. The house is surrounded by birch forest and very peaceful, and the air is clean and fresh. Fresh, clean air is a luxury when you live in Moscow.

Or rent supports Yulia and her old sick mother, of course Yulia has no mortgage, (as far as I can assume), so our money must give her a good life style. She is a widow, her husband died a few years ago, he was a famous Russian actor, who's name I don't know and could not pronounce anyway. The house she lives in, is her former holiday house or "Dacha", the flat we live in, is her former city residence. She told me they used to spend the summer at the Dacha and the winter at their city flat, where we now live. Its a modest flat, small and not at all luxurious (despite the rent price) , but its only a 15 minuet walk to the Kremlin, so we are paying for the location. It a hard and large pill to swallow, since I know everyone else that lives in our block of flats, certainly does not pay the rent we pay,(or any rent) so its does make me a bit angry but rent is rent. We can't live for free.

I told my wife not to become too friendly with her, as after one year she may decide to increase the rent. We did agree to fix it for two years, but its common in Russia for flat owners to just increase the rent as and when they feel like it. If she does increase it, we will move and she will have to search all over again for a tenant willing to pay her the rent that she demands. However, she is a kind person and we are lucky to have chosen a nice landlady. This is very important when renting in Moscow, choose your landlord/Landlady carefully, you will save problems later.

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Whats the worst job you ever had?

What's the worst job you ever had? Mine working in a Gherkin factory in Israel, don't ask its a long story. Although it was not the most dangerous job in the world, apart from a few snakes and spiders left in the harvest that I had to sort through on the conveyor belt, I spotted these guys today from my flat window. They are cleaning the snow off the roof opposite to my building.

There are many of these men in Moscow, they come from other far regions of Russia. There job each day from about 5.30 in the morning, is to sweep the streets and to clean away the snow. They do this day in day out in all conditions. I believe they are paid a very small wage. Perhaps they get extra money from the people in the buildings to go onto the roofs and clean the snow from the roof? Snow and ice builds up and damages the roofs and falls onto peoples heads, some people are killed. When you are walking with a child you have to be very careful of falling ice and snow.

I feel very sorry for these guys but a job is a job although, it's sad they must do that each day.

Is the grass greener on the other side?

What makes a person or family move home or country? why do people leave everything behind to move? It may be a move down the road, to another street, town, city region or country. Some people move home because they want to move up the property ladder or because they have to, due to a growing family or a crazy neighbor or neighbors. People are leaving my home country, the UK, in their thousands to start a new life and who can blame them. The UK and other countries still have a romantic pull a romantic ideal that died long ago but a dream is a dream, we all search for the land of milk and honey. People leave other countries for economic reasons to look for work or to escape persecution, both real, and made up and imagined. People often leave their countries, because there are no opportunities and because other countries allow them to easily enter. My wife and I left our respective countries for economic reasons and because we no longer felt safe and were no longer happy living in the United Kingdom. Ironically, inflow is greater than outflow to and from the UK.

I would think, and this is just my own assumption, the majority of expats living in other countries and countries such as Russia, left because the money or package to leave, was just too attractive for them to turn down. So they packed up their bags, forwarded their mail, let the house or flat out and moved abroad, "we did for our children", "we have to pay a huge mortgage", "it was a great opportunity" are some of the cited reasons for moving. Many expats, get accommodation free when moving abroad. Sadly not in our case, many expats get health insurance when moving abroad, sadly not in our case, but please don't get out your violins, or feel sorry for us, the salary is a lot higher than it would be in our own countries and this is why we became expats. As I said before, I do not miss my country at all, so it is not a real hardship for me to live abroad. If my own country was better and if we had good lives and good jobs, we would have stayed put in the UK although not in London. I am fairly sure of that.

I do not wish to offend any Russian readers of this blog, but I would not have come to Russia if economic circumstance had not demanded it, I would not have visited Russia otherwise and would not want to visit Russia. I am not here by choice, but I am here by necessity. I am not saying Russia is worse or better than my own country, its just different and holds no real interest to me other than a mild interest in its metamorphosis to now and its past history. I am a visitor here and was allowed to move here and to live here. My own country for example, has had a disastrous open door policy since the mid 1980's and now the population is a time bomb of swelling populous and its only a matter of time before something breaks, and it will, trust me. Tick-tock, lets wait and see. I am not making any reference to "Enoch Powell", so please don't get over excited or label me a xenophobic.

Moscow, has many people from other countries living and working here legally and illegally. There are many Filipino women and girls working here as nannies and cleaners. Their reasons for moving to Russia, are in my opinion, purely economic. Many have children back home in the Philippines. They work hard for cash and send money back home to help their children. It must be heart breaking for them to leave their children behind but like so many counties nowadays, there are no opportunities for decent work and life is very hard for them. They have no choice but to leave. The same can be said for Africa, Poland, Romania and many other countries that can be corrupt and badly run. Host countries take the burden and welcome them in seeing them as cheap labor and a boost to their own greedy and expanding economies.

We all dream of a better life, a better situation, its only human nature. The grass is always greener on the other side. Why can't our own countries provide us with opportunity, safety, a sense of community and a chance of happiness? above all, why is pay so low in our own countries and why is it so cut throat and so damn competitive? Money the root of evil! but without it, we don't eat, we have no shelter and we die. So dear reader I leave with you this simple thought, should you move? or stay put? Is the grass really greener on the other side?

A guide for stay at home dads and mums

A few suggestions for stay at home dads and stay at home mums. The list is not extensive and is only a guide.







This is a follow up to my article entitled "I am the man"


Stay at home dads:

1 Get out the flat/house sometimes and take a break.
2 Remember your wife/girlfriend will be tired when she gets home and although you will be pleased to see her, and for the adult company, try to be soft with her and let her relax.
3 Make sure the kitchen is clean (see below). If not, it will lead to big trouble and you really don't want the aggro.
4 Don't leave kids toys on the floor, clear up before she comes home, if you want peace.
5 Don't complain about your life, she my feel jealous that you can spend so much time with your child.
6 Play with your child, don't just dump him or her on the carpet and hope they will entertain themselves.
7 Get out and mix with other parents at baby and toddler play groups. Don't just mix with mothers.
8 Don't eye up and chat up the mums in the play groups. Well you can, but be very discrete!
9 Remember you are lucky to have a time with your child.
10 Have a meal on the table for when she gets home.
11 Make your woman feel she is involved in your child's life and don't assume it all on yourself.
12 Express yourself to your wife/girl friend if you are unhappy, she is not a mind reader.
13 Try to have a plan for when you no longer need to be at home when your little one is not a "little one" anymore.
14 Keep you hands off any nanny you may employ, it will only lead to big trouble later.
15 See point 3 below.
16 Don't leave your child alone for anytime, this is very dangerous.
17 Make up a bucket/batch of food like Spaghetti or curry, you can freeze it and just defrost when you need to, this will save you time.
18 Remember, some people will be judging and find it unusual and uncomfortable when you tell them you are a "stay at home dad" or were a stay at home dad, if you look for employment later. Ignore them and let them live in their self ignorance. Be proud that you tried and were involved in your child's early years.

Stay at home mums:

1 All of the above!
2 Don't "contract out" your darlings care to others if you can afford it, work if you want to, but part-time or from home. You little one needs you as much as possible, its what nature intended.
3 Take photos of your child as he or she does funny things, so that dad does not miss out on those special moments.
4 Get involved in decisions, don't just leave them all to your man, discuss and agree.
5 Don't just mix with other mums, this is very destructive, take up a class or hobby a few times a week and mix with men and women.

Note: All of the above is possible, but made a little harder if you are a stay at home dad or mum living abroad but can be done!

These suggestions, may seem obvious but are not always so obvious if you are new to the role, Most of them are directed at, and for "stay at home dads". Some of these suggestions will help your sanity and may save your relationship/marriage.  Contact me if you have any other suggestions or comments or just add them below.

I am The Man !

I read today, that those crazy French are to criminalize shouting at your wife, and this made me think about gender roles and all that comes with it in a marriage or relationship.

Is it natural for a man to have the main role as a full time stay at home parent? probably not. I have not read anything about it. Being a stay at home man, is not as easy as you may think from a psychological perspective. I don't care what some may say, men need to feel in control, we need to feel we are the boss. This goes back millions of years to when we dragged mammoth meat back to the cave and grunted at our "wives" to cook us dinner. Men provide and women cook, that's the natural order of things. Shock horror, you can't say that in a politically correct twenty first century.  I feel that nowadays, men have become women and women have become men, some women even talk like men and drink like men but that does not make it normal or natural. 

My wife will on occasion demand the "pleasures of the sausage" and I am, on occasion, unable to deliver that sausage. Why? not because she is unattractive or anything like that, but because since I became a stay at home parent I feel I have no control, I feel I do not wear the trousers. I don't provide the wage or pay the bills, my wife does. I chose this life (or we chose this life) out of life's necessities. I had mind numbing job producing statistical reports, that no one read and was happy to leave my job. I chose my situation and have benefited from it.

Being the home carer of a child, is a change in mind shift, a change in the "norm". Since I became a stay at home dad, all of four months ago, I have changed. I find myself pulled into the world of nappies and feeding. When I am out with my child, I eye up other prams rather than women, (although sometimes both even mothers, I am ashamed to admit)  I compare pram models. I admire the colours, the wheels the model of pram as one would admire a fine car. I have even found myself weighing up the pros and cons of giving birth in a natural way in water to the sound of spawning whale music, over a hospital delivery, and yet I will never give birth, or want to give birth. Is my DNA and my very notion of being a man changing? Are men or have men evolved into "shemen". Maybe. When I grew up in Britain in the 1970's, my mother stayed at home, many women did, they had to and could. It was normal. They don't have that choice now, unless they have very rich husbands. Most have to work. I did not make a fortune and stop working, I had to, as my wife was the higher earner. It would be interesting to know how many men are in a similar situation to me.

My advice to any woman who's husband is staying at home and looking after the child, is as follows: Give him power, let him feel he is making decisions, even if he is not. You can manipulate him into believing he is choosing when really its your choice, after all, women are good at manipulating. Make him feel important, give him freedom, let him out on occasion, let go. He will feel much better. I need to feel a man again. What should I do. Probably nothing I can do, except cope with my situation.

I left my job in the UK over six years ago and I am over forty, for me, a career is defiantly over, what will I do when we leave our expat self exile and return to our country? Good question. Life makes couples, and sends couples, to work abroad and to do what they can to survive. That's the cruel economic climate that we now live in. 

It would be nice if we could return to how it was thirty years ago when men worked and women stayed at home. I would say that, as I am a man, with a mans opinion. Many women would be totally horrified at such a suggestion. Or would they be? For so long, they demanded equal rights with men, they demanded and fought for the right to work, to be independent, now they have it, I am not so sure its what they really want. Nowadays, both most parents work, both parents fight tooth and nail to reach the top, both parents arrive home exhausted at night, never seeing their darling children. Is that a life? Maybe women and men should return to traditional roles and the world would be right again. A question I will leave for you dear reader to decide. I don't know how it is in Russia but probably similar as its economically necessary for both parents to work. I will find this information out and report back.

Note: Russia Down 43 positions in the quality of life index. The UK is on the 25th position.

The needs of an Englishman

As I have said in my last few posts as an expat I don't miss my country as such, but I do miss some of its food and other such things:

• Sticky toffee pudding

• Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding
  

• Toad in the hole

• Sausages and mash

• Scones and clotted ream
  

• Crumpets and jam
  

• Curry

• Fish and chips

• Pork Pies and Branston pickle
  

• Custard and treacle tart
  

• Rhubarb crumble

• Jafa cakes

• Rice pudding and cream
  

• Dumplings and stew

• A warm flat pint of bitter and a packet of pork scratchings or cheese & onion crisps
  

• An old English country pub with fire and/or beer garden
  

• Walks on the beach

• Walks in an English forest in Autumn
  

• An English breakfast with: real pork and sage sausages, bacon, egg, mushrooms, beans and fried bread
  

These things were and still are, part of an Englishman's way of life that you can never take that out of a true Englishman.  Miserable faces and rude shop staff, were, I once thought, unique to England, but since I moved to Russia, I now know they are also present here in Russia. I may attempt to cook some of the above at home, but it always tastes better when cooked by your mother or another person than if you do it yourself! I think you will agree with me dear reader. Note: For any readers who are not British, contact me for further details and recipes.

Thoughts of England

Like many expats away from their home country, I read the newspaper online everyday. Why do I read it? good question. I read because I have hope. Hope for what? hope for change and for something big to happen to make things change. The UK is a bit like a large jar of old stamps that has been left on the shelf in the sun for the last 20 years. The contents will be slightly faded and dusty. Some stamps will be old and worthless and the jar will contain a few dead insects. Its needs to emptied out onto the table and sorted through. Sorry to use such an odd metaphor but its the best I could come up with to try to make my point.

Some die hard Brits will hail the UK as a great country and "not at all bad compared to others". Some Brits will say but "its a democracy", its "developed", its" fair". Anyone who comes down hard on the UK is often called a "Daily Mail" reader or seen as a person living in the past. I do not live in the past or read The Daily Mail, but I do feel that the UK has badly lost its way over the last twenty years. One has to be careful when being political on the Internet and I must chose my words carefully or I could face the wrath of some. I will not go into detail as I am a natural coward when it comes to airing my thoughts of a political nature openly for anyone to read, but I will say that the UK is soft and both parties are so afraid of losing the vote from some of the population, that they show no balls and do nothing to make changes. They do not want to offend the old voters, the gay voters, the business voters, the Muslim voters, the Christan voters, the this voter , the that voter. I think the UK has reached a brick wall, a cul-de-sac where it can not continue on its current path.

I have not seen British TV for six years, so am out of touch, but I do see some shows on "You Tube" and I am guilty like everyone else of downloading some shows of the Internet. However, many shows seem to be all about being unpleasant to other people. Chats shows invite celebrities onto the shows and the celebrity host just takes the piss out of his guest reducing them to nothing. There are shows where the weakest player is voted off, or thrown off. What is this, in the name of entertainment? is it entertainment or cruelty? I think it is defiantly cruelty. The UK seems all about rights, not responsibilities, all about human rights and not about what is right, all about get out of my way while I step over your body in the que to get ahead. Maybe it is just like so many other countries? I don't know. What I do know, is it has changed for the worse.

Politicians seem to be able to do what they like in the UK, while if a bugler enters your home and you defend yourself or your family and accidental harm or kill the burglar you are sent to directly prison. Murderers are released from UK prisons too early and its impossible to deport foreign criminals from the UK, we even hear of illegal immigrants working illegally at national and state institutions. The UK really has become a sad joke. Was the UK ever perfect? of course not, but it certainly has slid further down the sewage pipe than its was 20 years ago. The country is hemorrhaging money in front of its own eyes, and yet nothing is done. My last few posts have been of thoughts of a "saviour" a super hero, thoughts about solving the world of its problems and I do apologise for that dear reader, but we can only hope for change, for hope is all we have.

Do Long to return to my home country? No. Would I return if it was better ? Yes. Maybe one day I will return when I am toothless and homeless. Lets empty out the jar and clean out the contents to put the "great" back into Britain. For now, I'll carry on regardless in my adopted host country of Russia, dreaming of a better, nicer, fairer more intelligent England, dreaming of green hills and Yorkshire pudding, dreaming of better times and a better future.

Turkey and Gorky Park

The first writing of 2010. I cooked a turkey on New Years Eve, like millions of other people. I would not like to be a turkey. They have short lives and are eaten at Christmas and in the USA for "Thanks Giving". By 2025 a "certain" religion will become the second largest religion in the world, so if you are a Turkey move to another area, you will be safe. However, if you are a goat you will be eaten. Sorry dear reader, I am rambling in a crazy way again. Gobble, gobble.

I am not a conventional person, never have been. I married in my mid 30's to a women from the land of horse eaters, had a child in my 40's, worked in statistics and I hate maths, moved to a little known country for five years and now I live in Russia. I do sometimes long to be conventional, to live in a village or town near the sea, to grow vegetables and to cut firewood for my fire, to live a simple life. Instead, I found myself at home on New Years Eve cooking a frozen turkey in an old gas oven that was too small and eating "Foie Gras" as a starter with some French friends. I thought Turkeys had it bad, but the poor Goose is force fed to make its liver taste better. I eat it under protest, as I would not want to upset the balance with my froggy friends but I would rather not eat it at all.

There was a firework display in Red Square in Moscow, but it was a disappointment. It seems funds that had been directed towards buying the fireworks, mysteriously found their way into the pockets of some officials, as is the way here in Russia. So the display was more of a "puff and a poof" than a "whiz and a bang" as it was in Sydney and China. The display here, was not unlike firework displays across the UK on November the 5th. Its now - 14 but the sun is shining and the sky is blue.

We went to Gorky Park on New Years day, it was created in 1928. Its named after Maxim Gorky. You pass through an impressive archway that has Lenin on the side with 1955 below his image. Its a little bizarre and Lenin must spin in his grave (if he had a grave since he has been pickled and stuffed and is on public display in Moscow) on a daily basis, as there is loud pop music coming from speakers above the entrance, when we went, there was "Ha Ha" playing "Hunting high and low", I looked at Lenin's image with slight sympathy as I went into the park. You can skate round the park, it must be nice on a sunny day and I think it maybe a Russian family tradition to go there on the 1st of January. I have nothing else to say for now dear reader, so I'll sign off for now.