Goodbye to the self

Before you have kids or a kid, you are the center of your universe. "You" are all that counts. You are the all important one. You can go out when and where you like, you can see who you like when you like, you can go out or sleep late when you like. When you have a kid or kids that all changes. The "you" is no longer and your kids or kid are all that counts. At least that is, if you are a normal and balanced person. Many are not and still function as the "me" to the detriment of their kid or kids. I hope I am not like that and not one of those people. I am selfish and used to more selfish when I was younger and single. I hope my child changed that.

All most parents think about, is their children's happiness and their safety. How long do they think about this? I do not know? Is it only until their kids are in their twenty's or does it go on until their kids are older and when they themselves are old, gray and toothless? I worry about my child and his future and yet he is only young, I worry will he be safe and happy in the future? I worry what would my kid do if I was no longer here? I know this sounds rather morbid, but I ask you rhetorically, what would you tell your children if you knew you would no longer be here? Would you write them a set of instructions on life? What would your instructions teach them and what would you tell them?

I would include instructions to teach him to have street sense and to have a sense of danger. I would teach him: to never trust a builder, to never trust a real estate agent, to not go with unknown men, to never trust a car salesman, I would teach him not to drink too much, I would teach him to take an opportunity when he has one. I would also teach him to not have regrets and to not be too serious when he dates girls when he is young and in his early twenties when love comes easily. I would teach him all the things I did wrong, so that he would not make the same mistakes as me.

How would I do this? by a letter or by a recorded video recording? I would defiantly use a video recording that I would leave with my lawyer, with instructions to show him after I had gone, or at least I would in an ideal and organized world. I have an image of me sitting in a high back velvet armchair, by a fire looking like Vincent Price, wearing a red smoking jacket and purple silk cravat, sipping a brandy, with a pipe in one hand, talking calmly into the camera, giving my words of wisdom on life and all its pitfalls to my child. Why in a smoking jacket by a fire? Just becuase it would look cool and would be sophisticated.

Would any of us do these things if we knew we would no longer be here for our child or children? Do we just let out kids live and learn as we once did? We all make mistakes in life, we don't always learn from them. No one taught me these things. I wish they had.

After you have a kid or kids, you lose all freedom unless of course you are rich and can pay for a nanny, seven days a week. If you could do this, would you really be a parent to your child? Would he or she benefit from such a foster parent arrangement? In Russia, many rich kids have such arrangements. They have rich and busy parents who contract out their childhood to private nannies and tutors. Would I do the same if I was rich? Probably, but I would hope not. I know I would regret it.

Although you lose the freedom you once had, when you were childless and on your own, when you have a child its not unpleasant to no longer have that freedom, since your child becomes your new universe and their safety and happiness is your reason for living. How long does this feeling last? I don't know? For all your life? I hope so.

Goodbye to the self, may he rest in peace or at least till I need to go to the pub.