Hell awaits me - Russian road trip

Next weekend, the wife has demanded that we go away for the weekend outside Moscow. She says "its only a three hour trip" and" if we leave before rush hour it will be OK". Last time I took a trip with my wife, son and another woman, It took me several days to recover from the experience and left me emotionally and mentally scared, (See "Tea with Tolstoy" on this blog). I had my wife behind me telling me how to drive and where to drive, her friend sitting next to me who kept touching my air car condition switches (dear reader never touch a man's car switches they are a sacred, his and a "no touch area", almost like a woman breasts on a woman who you have only just met). My front co passenger, who will remain nameless, kept telling me how to drive, while my wife was her devil echo from the back and my child screamed. I vowed that day never to repeat such a trip. So I now find another such trip waiting for me next weekend, although this time, with another one of my wife's French friends who I am sure will be equally bossy.

My wife says, there will be no traffic at 2.00 in the afternoon, (yeah right, was Gordon Brown good for the UK!), we won't get lost, it will "BE OK". This is Moscow, there is always traffic.  I told her my driving license has expired and that the engine is leaking oil (all true) but she will not listen, as usual, her ears have inverted into her head. I could fake death or insanity (insanity would be almost true) and she would still drag me screaming to the wheel of the car to drive her to this place from hell in Russia. You may not hear from me again.