Fitness clubs and keeping fit in Moscow - Part 1

Last week, I started to go jogging as it gets lighter earlier in the mornings in Moscow. I open one old, tired eye and tear myself from my bed womb, put one foot onto the cold wooden floor, drink a disgusting fruit tea, put on my long johns (man tights!), socks, tracksuit, trainers (sneakers if you are American) and sleeveless jacket and walk to a small strip of park near my Moscow flat to go jogging up and down in a garden oasis in a sea of city traffic.

I run on the snow and ice, double chins are not a pretty sight and must be removed whatever, the cost. I keep both eyes firmly focused on the ground and run in a wobbly, delicate ballet dance of slip avoidance, up and down the park. I avoid big dogs, dog shit and park workers, who look at me as if I were a madman. I have an exercise bike at home, but its so boring and does not burn the fat as well as jogging does. I take my mobile phone when I go, in case I slip on the ice and need to phone my wife for an ambulance.

Today, my wife looked at me wearily at breakfast and said, "lets get you in a gym". I have kept saying I'd get fit "tomorrow", since January but now its March, so being a man of my word, I have decided now is the time to get into shape.We went to look at three gyms clubs. I also want to teach my child to swim, so I need a club with a pool.

The fist one we looked at was big, with a pool and had enough weights and machines to turn the weakest of men into hard oiled, muscle bound, hulks within a month, so there maybe hope for me. We were showed round the gym club, by the club sales manager who showed us all the fitness machines, although one eye of mine was targeting a nice bottom (butt, bum) or two, in tight Lycra or one eye was looking at large bouncing bosoms, so ripe that they looked like large dew covered apples on a tree in early spring. I tried to look casual and to seem interested in what he was saying, but it was hard, if you forgive the pun but my ears were not really listening to a thing he said. I am a married 43 year old man, we can only have our memories, so please forgive my naughty indulgence. Sorry, back to the Moscow fitness story and my reason for joining a fitness club. The club seemed good and I will probably join "off peak" at 1,300 GBP per year for a 16 month membership, its a good deal. "Off peak" is strange deal, you can go from midnight till five the next day so if you wake up at three in the morning with the need to pump iron, you can go to the club. The freedom of choice we all have nowadays and our 24/7 society!

The second gym club, was slightly more up market (luxury) and would be 3,000 GBP per year. A pretty Russian girl showed me around the place. She was the kind of girl who silently screams, I am so pretty look at me, the type that tends to repulse me, even if she was attractive and so I ignored her, just to annoy her. The club was filled with Louis Vuitton'ers as I call them and there were men of ages in the changing room, wearing swimming drunks that were far too tight or far too small for them. They were stood in front of long full length mirrors, drying their hair with great vigor, as any women would do. It was very smart, but stank of money. People gave us dirty looks and looked at our child as if he were an alien or something you would find under your shoe from the street. No children wanted or "allowed in the pool" or so I was told by the pretty girl. It was too posh, too snobby and too expensive. The last place we looked at, was a hotel, cheaper but a bit dirty. That's Moscow for you, one extreme to another.

I am determined to claw back 10 years and get back the demi god of a body I once had..... or die trying or dreaming of it. A gym may be the only option to keep fit in Moscow Russia, as its rather dangerous to run on the snow and ice in winter and in the summer there are dogs everywhere and the roads are thick with traffic. There are many parks here but then you would have to travel on the metro to go running, unless you are lucky enough to either have a large flat with your own exercise stuff in it, or to be near enough to walk to a park.

If you have kids, you will need to pay a baby sitter while you go to your gym but if you join off peak, you can go very early in the morning before your wife or husband goes to work and return home in time to look after your darling well behaved kids or kid.  Alternatively, you could just say to hell with exercise and grow old and fat in a blaze of chocolate and blubber.

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