I am The Man !

I read today, that those crazy French are to criminalize shouting at your wife, and this made me think about gender roles and all that comes with it in a marriage or relationship.

Is it natural for a man to have the main role as a full time stay at home parent? probably not. I have not read anything about it. Being a stay at home man, is not as easy as you may think from a psychological perspective. I don't care what some may say, men need to feel in control, we need to feel we are the boss. This goes back millions of years to when we dragged mammoth meat back to the cave and grunted at our "wives" to cook us dinner. Men provide and women cook, that's the natural order of things. Shock horror, you can't say that in a politically correct twenty first century.  I feel that nowadays, men have become women and women have become men, some women even talk like men and drink like men but that does not make it normal or natural. 

My wife will on occasion demand the "pleasures of the sausage" and I am, on occasion, unable to deliver that sausage. Why? not because she is unattractive or anything like that, but because since I became a stay at home parent I feel I have no control, I feel I do not wear the trousers. I don't provide the wage or pay the bills, my wife does. I chose this life (or we chose this life) out of life's necessities. I had mind numbing job producing statistical reports, that no one read and was happy to leave my job. I chose my situation and have benefited from it.

Being the home carer of a child, is a change in mind shift, a change in the "norm". Since I became a stay at home dad, all of four months ago, I have changed. I find myself pulled into the world of nappies and feeding. When I am out with my child, I eye up other prams rather than women, (although sometimes both even mothers, I am ashamed to admit)  I compare pram models. I admire the colours, the wheels the model of pram as one would admire a fine car. I have even found myself weighing up the pros and cons of giving birth in a natural way in water to the sound of spawning whale music, over a hospital delivery, and yet I will never give birth, or want to give birth. Is my DNA and my very notion of being a man changing? Are men or have men evolved into "shemen". Maybe. When I grew up in Britain in the 1970's, my mother stayed at home, many women did, they had to and could. It was normal. They don't have that choice now, unless they have very rich husbands. Most have to work. I did not make a fortune and stop working, I had to, as my wife was the higher earner. It would be interesting to know how many men are in a similar situation to me.

My advice to any woman who's husband is staying at home and looking after the child, is as follows: Give him power, let him feel he is making decisions, even if he is not. You can manipulate him into believing he is choosing when really its your choice, after all, women are good at manipulating. Make him feel important, give him freedom, let him out on occasion, let go. He will feel much better. I need to feel a man again. What should I do. Probably nothing I can do, except cope with my situation.

I left my job in the UK over six years ago and I am over forty, for me, a career is defiantly over, what will I do when we leave our expat self exile and return to our country? Good question. Life makes couples, and sends couples, to work abroad and to do what they can to survive. That's the cruel economic climate that we now live in. 

It would be nice if we could return to how it was thirty years ago when men worked and women stayed at home. I would say that, as I am a man, with a mans opinion. Many women would be totally horrified at such a suggestion. Or would they be? For so long, they demanded equal rights with men, they demanded and fought for the right to work, to be independent, now they have it, I am not so sure its what they really want. Nowadays, both most parents work, both parents fight tooth and nail to reach the top, both parents arrive home exhausted at night, never seeing their darling children. Is that a life? Maybe women and men should return to traditional roles and the world would be right again. A question I will leave for you dear reader to decide. I don't know how it is in Russia but probably similar as its economically necessary for both parents to work. I will find this information out and report back.

Note: Russia Down 43 positions in the quality of life index. The UK is on the 25th position.