Ghosts of History

As we stand on the edge of the end of the year ready to jump head first into the next, I thought I would add a few sketchy thoughts from my base here in Moscow. I will pull the beard of controversy and run away to a safe distance. I will light the fuse and watch it fizzle out or take light. Socialism, the ideal. This what was experienced in Russia in the past. I was never interested in history at school and spent most of my time looking out the window. However, now I am interested in the past and all the ghosts that still haunt us now, you can feel the past if you allow yourself to. I am not a socialist, right wing conservative or liberalist, but I do believe that everyone should be equal, everyone should have access to food, water, education and health care. Am I living in a fools paradise? maybe. Of course this will never happen, but the state of affairs we now live in, is far from perfect and worries me. What will next year bring to the world? Will certain countries see sense and behave, will powers take action to halt climate change? who knows. Do we learn by history? Do we feel history and remember?

My journey in Russia, will hopefully teach me about its past and its future. Recently, I visited a a war museum in Moscow. It is a monument to soldiers that died in WW2. I visited an amazing room in the museum. It was being prepared for a big banquet and the large carved wooden doors were open. I had a sly look inside. I felt like I was seeing the past. The room was round with carvings in white all around the walls with each city that the Russians liberated in the war above each image. These cities stretched round the entire room. You could almost see and imagine the fat generals, with their gold medals clanking, smoking fat cigars and drinking Vodka and laughing. In the center of the round ceiling, was a red star with CCCP (USSR) under the star. I felt a little sad, although Russia is still a very powerful country, it was once so much more, feared and loved the world over. The Socialist dream was sold to the people and many believed it and hoped for it. A Utopia and an ideal. Massive buildings were built in the name of it by Stalin, statues erected in every city and town all over Russia. For what? Now Its almost like a party where everybody has left. Although it was certainly not a party and so many people died that dared to challenge the Socialist ideal.

What do we all worship now? what do we all dream of? mass consumerism, the choice to buy anything, anywhere, any day or time. That's what so many people now have, true freedom or true hell? For me, that is ugly and leads to a selfish, damaged society. Having said that, I am as guilty as the next person and am about to buy a flat screen TV, but I hope you see my point. I am not calling for a world Socialist order, but I am asking what is the alternative? what road are we all heading down? What will the coming years bring for us all in "civilized" society for man and the planet? My visit to that museum in Moscow made me think about all of these questions. Lessons from History.

We all need a dream and an ideal to hold onto, will we ever have one? that is the question! Is there more to must have, must have, must have? What "ideal" do world powers sell us now? Fear. The media speak of death and destruction and often blow things out of all proportion. They terrify us and control us, to sell newspapers. We need a dream or a hero to save us all. Where is he/she? Will a religion save us all?

I will now move to another room of thought, a brighter room, I will fling the curtains open, letting the sun shine in and and write about lighter topics, although controversy and thinking about such things is interesting, if not a little dangerous, I hope I have made you think, if only for a second.  Happy 2010 dear reader.

The future: brown, moist and smelly! nice prospect

It would be good if one could read the contents of a nappy/diaper and read the future. Mine would say brown, moist and smelly! nice prospect. Well why not, people claim to be able to read tea leaves/coffee beans, so why not nappies? Christmas is canceled, at least for me, Russians celebrate if it from the 6th of January. They all take holidays from the 31st of December for about 10 days. I have been told this by some of my English students. I'll be teaching on Thursday and Friday this week. We soon reach the end of another year. Last year was a big one for me, a happy birth, a sad death, a move to a new country. Life and death go hand in hand. Sorry, I can feel myself becoming melancholy again, snap out of it man!

Time to dig out the Christmas decorations, where ever they are? Lost in the move, broken or hidden in the cupboard somewhere? Can one buy a turkey here in Moscow? probably for a price. I have always preferred duck or goose cooked in the oven with roast potatoes. I am told Russian don't eat anything special at Christmas, well this makes sense since they don't celebrate it in our way. Before I knew this, I though they might eat Carp as they did in Slovakia where we used to live for five happy years. I tried it once, it was full of tiny bones, I can't be bothered with fish when its full of bones.  I could do with some mince pies, Christmas cake and a nice log fire to fall asleep in front of. My flat does not have a log fire, only a multitude of radiators. Luckily, my child is too small to demand certain Christmas presents, but I know that will come later. He is walking round the flat pushing his music toy on wheels. He can't yet walk on his own, but looks like a drunk man cutting the grass, when he is pushing his toy round the flat in staggering stop start fashion. He may be walking in a month or two?

What will next year bring, politically, morally or socially the world over? more of the same or better? I like to think better. What New Year resolutions will I make? drink less or not at all, be more tolerant and see more of the positive side of life. That's my plan anyway, I hope I achieve it. I'd also like to visit other parts of Russia and will report back to you dear reader when I do. Happy Christmas and New Year.

People observations, fur, smells and other impressions.

Traveling on the metro you get to see a variety of shapes, sizes, fashions and also you get different smells. Cheap perfumes, body odors, dust, stale breath etc. You see faces that looked lived in, faces that have seen life, faces that have seen Socialism and change. As I stood on the escalator, I thought to myself, as I often do, would I rather be back in London standing on on another packed underground train, or stuck in traffic on the North Circular? The answer is a big No, I can cope with the Moscow metro. I am happy to live in another country, to see other places, to get out of the UK. Today, I saw a man give up his seat to an old round woman, she did not thank him, but just sat down. Both saw it as normal. This is not the first time I have seen that in Moscow. That would be unseen and unheard on the London underground. long may it go on here.

Now its cold here, although the temperature is schizophrenic nowadays and could be plus eight next week. People here have started to wear fur. Lots of fur. You seen all shapes of people in all types of colours. Some beautiful some awful. All types of girls with elegant coats, long bodies and long legs, old men with what look like dead dogs on their heads, plump women in vulgar fur coats that look like dead wolves. Fur is very cruel and many animals die to make one fur coat but on the right woman, it does look fantastic and is very warm.

Now I am meeting Russians, its so good to get out the flat. I asked some if they have a private pension? all in the group replied no. I asked why? they told me we don't bother in Russia. They told me things change fast and that you can save all your life and then lose it in a day. I thought these were sad but true words. I have been amazed at the language skill of some young Russians, many speak at least two or three languages.

On a final note. I had a kebab the other day and it was not like a British kebab, but rather like a rolled sausage. It was a kind of pancake, filled with raw white cabbage and warm chicken. I spent the next day on the toilet. I long for a good British kebab, with greasy bits of lamb mixed with tomato salad and hot sauce, stuffed in pita bread. When you eat it a bit of grease and sauce drips down your shirt, wash it down with a warm beer- bliss. There is very little I miss about England, but I do miss kebabs, curry and the sea.

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Being a parent & other observations

Having a child or children really is a the best thing that anyone can experience as long as they are healthy and happy. Having said that, raising a child in a country that is not your own is a challenge. Luckily, while they are small, you don't have to worry about pre school ("kindergarten") expenses but you do have to find a baby sitter or as they are called here, "nannies" many are Filipino. Sometimes its easy to forget that you can't just go out to the shop to get some chocolate as you can't leave you child alone (although I know nowadays many parents do leave a child alone, which is irresponsible and cruel) you have to wrap up your child, shoe up, coat up, strap in and wheel down to the street via lift or stairs. Another thing you notice, is how people behave towards you when you have a push chair (stroller/buggy/pram). Some people just look annoyed and bump into the push chair, some hold the door for you and some don't and let it slam in your face. In Moscow, I have often been allowed to cross the road by drivers when I was not at a zebra crossing, this touched me and restores my faith in human nature. Its interesting as I am not a woman. If I was a woman, would people be more polite to me and my push chair with child? who knows? I know that when a child is at pre school age the expense is crazy. I really do not know how some expats do it. Although having said that, many expats here are on high salaries and some even get free pre-school provided for their child or children.

In a big city you are totally invisible, before moving here, we lived in a small capital in another country, everyone new everyone and people were very friendly, you don't get that in a big city. People are often cold and distant, dare I say snobby. I thought this was a mainly a British characteristic, but it seems to be international and prevalent in a big city. I have also noticed, that drivers here are rude, they do not thank each other when letting in the driver in front or signal to turn or pull out, when you hoot at them they look shocked, at why you are hooting them! Russia seems to get more like a dictatorship each week, if we are to believe the press, murdered lawyers, hooligan police and other such things. Its not wise to criticize any politician directly in the press, or you will find yourself in prison, dead or out of business. This is no way to act in a civilized 21st century country.

Expat life as a part-time stay at home parent, is boring unless you have a fleet of nannies, cleaners and cook to help you. Your life is tied to the flat. Each day rolls into the next. Time drags. Days drag in endless routine. Some people reading this may think I am lucky to be at home with my child and I know I am, as many never see their kids while both parents slave away each day in an office job arriving home after nine at night, totally exhausted. I should be, and am thankful of that fact, that I can spend time with my child. To watch my child grow and develop a character. Politicians the world over, in "civilized countries" should make policy to allow a parent to stay home with their child for the fist year or two of his or her life. Systems should be in place to allow free or very cheap childcare and some form of reduced salary for a mother or father to stay home for a set time period of time. Of course this will never happen, except in countries like Sweden as it would cost too much and "shock horror" is too socialist. I think its a case of child development and child need, common sense tells us, that children need to see at least one face each that is the same and one parent for his or her first few years of life. So many children never see a parent and are bought up in a toxic society and a loveless society. I think this has contributed to the state of society in countries like the UK and maybe America.I have said too much and am rambling in a sociological way that I should not. Sociology is a passion for me. I not an expert in anyway, but when one has time, one thinks about these things and tries to solve world problems. Maybe I should stick to nappies and shopping.

I have to find a nanny for part time work, not easy, as many want full time hours, its not a luxury but a necessity here and not as expensive as you may think, they are not proper nannies or "trained" at a nanny school as in "Mary Poppins", but many here are Filipino girls working here and who send money back home for their own children, why they choose to go to Russia, is one of life's un-answered questions. Wish me luck. hay ho blue sky outside today.

A Cold Moscow

Very cold here today at -19°C . Grey and cold. I feel very depressed today. They say it may get colder. Its so cold, your face hurts. I took junior out and he cried the whole time, his face went pink. I turned round and came "home" again, where is home? for now here. In this weather, its hard to imagine climate change but I am told it used to get much colder. The streets have ice on them and the ponds are frozen. Even when you rap up your child they are still freezing. Mine had: tights, jeans, body, two jumpers, socks, shoes, body coat, coat, two hats, two hoods, two gloves and he still screamed. Brrrr.... freezing but at least its good to see a cold Moscow, I was beginning to think it was the stuff of legend and in the past due to climate change. However it could swing back to + 8 as the weather seems to be up and down nowadays.

An interesting first four months in Moscow

Arrived here and touched down, in late August and its now December 2009. Our boy is now one years old. Born in Slovakia, first birthday in Russia and he has just turned one in his short well traveled life. How time shoots by in life. You blink your eyes and before you know it, its all over. Enjoy it while you can, especially if you have children. So far, since arriving here, I/we have fought to find a flat, waited to have our car papers found that were lost but AGS a moving company that I shall never use again, attended all women baby groups, been propositioned by a girl on the Metro, stayed at home bored to tears, struggled to get a hair cut and worked as a teacher.

I have also seen the wealth here at first hand and taught at an Oligarchs house. This was the strangest experience I have had teaching. The seven year old boy, who longed to be a seven year old boy, was the youngest person I have taught, if you can call it teaching, I felt more like a wind up toy, sent to amuse a precocious child. Christmas will soon be here and its a bit cold here now, with snow and ice on the streets, Americans have just celebrated "Thanks Giving", a nice idea, if only I knew what it was? If it's to be thankful for what we have, then I say yes, we all should be, in one way or another- but still wish for more, but if it's turned into a commercial activity, then its a pity. What will the next months bring? only time will tell.

Lets hope for luck, wealth, peace, political common sense and good fortune for all.

Teaching the rich in Moscow

I did some teaching at a mega rich Russian family a few weeks ago. A driver collected me and drove me to the house outside Moscow. After some forty mins we arrived and I got out the Mercedes and was shown to a big metal front gate with security cameras on each side and I was led inside. I was met by two large security guards and asked to walk to the house. I made my way along a red winding brick path that cut through pine and silver birch trees through a silent landscaped garden. As I approached, I was met by a vast house rising out of the ground in between the trees. It was made of glass and wood and looked as if it was growing out of the raw forest ground. I went inside through the glass front doors and waited nervously on the marble steps. I was then greeted by a maid who took my coat and gave me some slippers. She then showed me to a seating area and I followed her silently across the marble floor to a sunken reception area that had three vast six seater sofas and a white grand piano. I sat down on the soft royal cushions and waited to meet my young student. He arrived and shook my hand.

I was to teach a very confident seven year old boy, we went upstairs to his round play room and he told me he wanted to just read for half an hour and that we would then play. His play room had more toys in it than a small toy shop.We read, then he led me down a big marble spiral staircase to his indoor football pitch. We played soft football, then ping pong, then snooker, then darts. After an hour or so of games, he said he wanted to draw, so we went back up to his play room and drew pictures with dot-to-dot. He asked me if I was hungry, I said yes, (I am always hungry) so he phoned down to the kitchen and a maid quickly came to us with a big tray of freshly made cakes and fresh tea, we ate them in silence, while he drew more pictures. After eating, he coldly announced that he wanted to play Nintendo. So he played Nintendo, while I watched, he did not offer me a go, which annoyed me, I felt like one of his many big teddy bears sitting next to him on the bed, looking ahead without a word or a sound. A silent friend without an opinion.

After two hours, the time was over, I said goodbye and the driver took me back to the city. I was paid very well and it was an experience I will not forget. I enjoyed it. I have spoken about wealth before here in Moscow Russia, but now I have seen it with my own eyes. The young boy I taught (if you can call it teaching) was very confident, in charge and very matter of fact about everything, he was years ahead of a seven year old boy in behavior and personality. I found it a bit disturbing. He had no smile and just seemed to function, perhaps a symptom of his situation. The house was beautiful, big and surrounded by Forest where the air was fresh, sweet and clean. It was good to breath in fresh air outside the city. The work was fun, easy and very well paid. Please can I have more English lessons like this!

The pain of visas

Getting a visa for Russia is a test of endurance. I got mine from the Russian embassy in Vienna. I am not from Austria, but it was the closest place to fly to and I have friends there and in Slovakia. I had to wait in line outside the embassy to go in.

The system of waiting was, and is, very annoying. There was only one line of people waiting at the electric gate to enter the visa section. There was one group of people standing at the side of the gate to get in, sometimes a person would push past everyone else in line to go the gate to press the intercom and then go in while everyone else waited in their own private hell of bureaucracy. There was only one line for giving your passport and one line for collecting a visa. They only let in one or maybe two people at a time, so it took a long time to enter, sometimes many people would just go to the gate and go in. I have also noticed that Russians don't follow the "unwritten rules" for waiting in line and will often invite others in front of you to join them in the line, leave the line and then go back again. All you can do is stand there with the feeling of anger getting higher and higher as if you want to explode, while you wait to be served, get a visa or to buy your shopping. Maybe this is why there is only one gate to get into a Russian embassy for a visa rather than a smooth system of collecting a visa or giving a passport. Maybe its done on purpose to annoy people? who knows.

I know its very hard for Russians to get visas for some countries and I believe even harder of Americans to enter and stay in Russia. Visas are an annoying part of life that we can't avoid when living in another country. Maybe this will change later, like Russia will join the EU, stop corruption and I will turn water into gold and become rich- Unlikely. Thank you Russia for allowing me back in.